Bao's weblog


Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

Let’s just write!

I’ve felt that, ironically, the more I’ve progressed in college, the less I’ve been doing any reading for leisure and the less I’ve been writing. My writing block is as big as ever. My vocabulary that doesn’t have anything to do with accounting or business is swirling the drain. I can almost see the figurative cobwebs.

I don’t think I intend for this post to have any significant writing. I don’t expect to see much fireworks. There’s no poetry meant to blow your mind or mine. Come to think of it, I’m quite afraid to look back at my previous posts because I don’t think I ever was a strong writer. I can draw comparison to looking back at my iPod playlist from waaayy-back-when and mentally cringing. Hard. But, although the blog was meant to be an aid to improve my writing skills, I think its primary role was to be that emotional conduit to get me through the superficially emotional, immature, and turbulent era that I call high school. At least I didn’t care back then. I wrote for myself, although it felt incredible whenever I saw how many hits this blog has received.

But once again, this blog will be resurrected for the umpteenth time, this time to improve my writing skills that will hopefully make me more attractive to hire. Also I’m bored. Immediately, I can already think of a problem: how can I measure improvement? Do I keep count of every time I use big words? Should I have someone grade these… these emotional scribbles and give me a score?

But I’ll move on. Let’s just write.

Life lately hasn’t been filled with peaks and dips like in high school or the first parts of college. It sort of plateaus near the bottom on the emotional scale with occasional spikes of happiness. The plateaus are indifference laced with slight irritation at everything around me. The spikes are the emotional highs I get whenever I pass a test or get through a networking or club event. Did you know that accountants have to be social? Who would’ve thought!? I fucking didn’t. I was a shy kid and I was fine with that until I’ve realized the only reason you get to places is because of the people you know. And once you’re finally in the field (I’m shooting for auditing), you’ll have to talk with clients and coworkers and superiors. I had an amazing professor who taught me intermediate accounting and she warned me that it’s okay to be introverted, but I wouldn’t be able to survive this profession if I didn’t reach out more.

I remember I used to be all, “Friends are forever… loyalty above all…” basically those naive notions I had as recent as two to three years ago. But it really isn’t because life happens. It’s sad, really. People have to drift apart because everybody has their own different dreams. In the end, at least in my field, we’re all surrounded by people we only know on a superficial level. It’s nice talking to them because we’re all in the same situation and we’re all still human, but there’s that important element that’s missing. The relationship has no heart or soul, just a shell of a body. But it’s not anybody’s fault that this happens! Meetings are just too infrequent. The actual meetings are brief. We network only in passing and meet up once in awhile for coffee to talk about business. Friendships never have a chance to grow because there’s just simply not enough time. Nobody has time anymore, not even me.

It’s a similar situation with my friendships. Most of my closest friends from high school are now people I talk to maybe once in a few months. Everybody today I talk only know me on that small level. I look forward to the time when I meet friends who will last forever. Maybe I’ve already met them, maybe I will meet them, or maybe I’ll never meet them. I just hope I’ll have enough time.

This entry turned out more depressing than I expected. I’ll be more cheerful and lighthearted in the next post!


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