Bao's weblog

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Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

Writing music

Man it’s pretty hard and I wish I had help. But for now, I’d like to help anyone who’s trying to write their own piano music.

This is just something I’m going to be using a lot so I should put it somewhere where I won’t lose it.

Hope it’s useful for anyone else out there!

Hmm, I don’t think I’ll have to deal with plagiarism or anything. It’s just like someone posting the Periodic Table of Elements on their blog right?

Sayonara.

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Filed under: General

A friendly reminder

It’s been 36 days Eddie. THIRTY-SIX DAYS! >:O

This is just a message to the co-writer of this blog. I already warned him before he started that if he doesn’t blog for an entire month, the blog will turn into Bao’s Weblog once again. Now if only he didn’t help me with calculus, then I would totally do that. But since he helped me a lot…

Okay Eddie, you got up to 45 days, starting now, day 36, to write something. Post a picture. Write a poem. Bitch at life (just not me).

Damn, plus you were sick. Okay Eddie. You got until end of May. You bastard.

Sayonara.

Filed under: General

Oh Iran, you crack me up…

I just heard something that literally made me laugh out loud today. For this, let’s move about 7,300 miles from the Bay Area to the capital of Iran, Tehran. According to an Iranian cleric, the main cause for this recent chain of devastating earthquakes are… brace yourselves… promiscuous women.

I’ve never heard of this guy until now, and I’ll probably forget his name after a few hours. But this cleric, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, was quoted by the Iranian media to have said, “Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes.”

The way he says it, it sounds like the men are just as much as fault as to being so weak as to not be able to resist a woman in a bikini. I probably can’t say that over there without risking a bullet in the ass.

So I don’t know much about politics in the U.S., let alone in Iran, but If I had to place an educated guess on anything, I’ll say that the government might try to make their population buy into this. I mean, for one, he actually got the word out using the media. We never hear about these kinds of religious statements in our media do we? We’ve got the Westboro Baptist Church (hate these guys by the way) spewing crap out of their mouths and I’ve almost never heard of them except once on Fox news.

And another reason… look at who won the Iranian election: the more conservative Ahmadinejad by a landslide. If trends continue, he might try to support this I’m guessing.

From my high school world history lessons (Thanks Mr. Salmon!!), I’ve learned that the dress in code in Iran for women is especially strict. You’re not supposed to see any part of them unless you’re her husband. They have to conceal everything. I’m also guessing that many tourists that travel to Iran must also comply. Obviously, many of them are exposed to Western culture and many of them rebel by letting their hair out and wearing tighter clothing. Well… you know how they say people fear change.

To be fair, Tehran has every right to be afraid of earthquakes. It’s like another San Francisco in the fact that underneath it lies a dangerous network of faults. And while San Francisco has a population of 809,000 as of 2008 (probably the last time anyone has checked until the 2010 census is completed), the Iranian capital dwarfs the San Franciscan population; it holds up to 12 million people.

“Seismologists have warned for at least two decades that it is likely the sprawling capital will be struck by a catastrophic quake in the near future.

Some experts have even suggested Iran should move its capital to a less seismically active location. Tehran straddles scores of fault lines, including one more than 50 miles (80 kilometers) long, though it has not suffered a major quake since 1830” (Associated Press).

Hmmm… I don’t know how this post got so serious as to me suddenly quoting stuff from the news. For me, the concept of women in revealing clothes causing earthquakes is the most hilarious concept to have existed since Fox news. If we ever decided to bomb Iran, we should totally launch a preemptive strike and load the B-2s with Playboys and hentai downloaded from Kevin’s desktop. It’ll definitely be cheaper than a Paveway laser guided bomb. That is, if Iran actually buys into what this cleric says.

Sayonara.

Filed under: General

Can’t walk the walk >.<

This past week… no… the past day were filled with epic fails that torments me and now keeps me from falling asleep. Me, I don’t know how to deal with problems except to tackle them head on. Yes, I fight fire with fire. Me, I say all of these things. I never lie. I mean them from the bottom of my heart. It just sucks when I can’t deliver.

Me, I’m a patriotic person. I’ve always felt that I’d be glad to fight for my country, to give back a little. But I can’t fight for said country. And next thing I know, my friend sitting next to me is about to join the Marines Corps, helping protect all of us. It’s such an incredible job, protecting millions of people you don’t know, protecting the very few you cherish and love, protecting the principles that made you who you are. I wish I could join him, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But it doesn’t look like the military will be in my future. I’m still bummed out about it.

I also value my friends a lot. I really wish I could prove it to them. I just don’t see how I can though; I never seem to be emotionally available. But I definitely want to be. There’s really no way to prove this. I’ve never helped solved a friend’s problems before in the past four years now that I think about it. It makes me more and more restless as I think about it.

I also want nothing more than to be a pilot. To soar through the never ending sky is some fantastic dream that I could never achieve.

In the end, it all boils down to parents. They hold me back. They just don’t understand. I can’t join the military. I can’t be a pilot. It’s too dangerous. How will I raise a family? How will I make enough money? How am I supposed to have a wife if I have to keep moving or am gone four days a week?

Why should I talk to a friend at two in the morning when it doesn’t involve homework or a project? Hell, why even have friends that stay up so late in the first place?

I feel so helpless and sheltered, trapped behind a wall of endless academia and family problems while the entire world seems to move on without me. I see problems with friends and the world that I want to help with and I’m restrained. Then I watch helplessly while the problem is solved and I’m not a part of it. I guess this is one of the unattractive parts of becoming an aerospace engineer. I’d rather fly the fighter than make it. I prefer the more direct approach; I want my actions to have immediate and visible consequences rather than seeing or hearing the results on CNN.

I think my life will be more wild without my parents’ influence. And, for better or for worse, it’ll definitely be a more satisfying life.

I should really name this post “Despicable Me.” I especially loathe myself at the moment.

Signing off, and I’ll definitely be having problems sleeping now. You know how when you’re so pissed off at someone, you don’t even want to look at them, let alone be in the same room with them? So how does that work if that someone is you? And I have to sleep with this retard.

Sayonara.

Filed under: General

Baffled

I hung out with a familiar face today… uh, yesterday now I suppose. She absolutely scares the living crap out of me to be honest. Our conversation, pleasant and hilarious as it may have been, was what got me into thinking. She freaks me out because I can’t tell how close I am to her. When someone asks for her number and she doesn’t want to give it, she’d tell him that she lost her phone. When we exchanged numbers several months ago, that was the exact same excuse she gave me. Yet the next time we met, we kept talking (She initiated it), and that was the conversation where I found out about her missing cellphone excuse. She ended up calling me later on for lunch. Then, after several weeks, she did it again today. Even if she was just bored, I’m assuming she has several people to have picked from… why me?  The fine line that defines friendship grows ever so thinner in my eyes. And even though she’s a blast to hang around with, she’s the living epitome of the ever changing definition of friends. Or maybe I just don’t have enough experience. I’m terrified. She’s an absolutely amazing person and it looks like she can only have the most special of friends.

The average person thinks he isn’t. Father Larry Lorenzoni

Oh, you could not be more wrong.

Okay, the first paragraph might have seemed pointless and confusing.

I don’t get it! I… I really really… don’t. I began to look at myself from someone else’s perspective. And it leaves me utterly confused. How do people tolerate me, let alone want to be my friend? I’m nobody special, just another person. Actually, I have many flaws. I can be spiteful. I’m getting really good at acting cold and distant. I’m not shallow, but I find it funny and enjoyable to pretend to be shallow, so people constantly get the wrong impression of me. I’m not the greatest looking guy out there. I think I have a pretty annoying voice. And I slouch. I’m also terribly shy most of the time.

If I guesstimate, I’m around 95% confused and 5% worried. What do people see in me? What makes them want to talk to me and be a friend? Whenever I meet someone, I’ve always noticed that the most interesting topic for him or her to talk about is themself, so I let it happen. So in the end, what do they really know about me? Plus lately, I’ve met people through my card tricks. Yes, I’ve met them… and that’s it. Several of them remember me. I guess that’s a pretty nice compliment, but again, my hands and my deck are the only reasons why they like me so far. I think. But when they walk up, they say “hi” and ask me how I’m doing. You’d think they’d walk up just for another card trick.

Maybe it’s the kind of thing that I can’t notice but everyone else does, like how your voice sounds different in your head.

I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I’m not really looking for compliments or “It’s okay”s to bolster my self esteem. Actually, I don’t know if I’m even looking for the answer. It’s not like I don’t want to hear it, but I just know that no matter how someone phrases it, it just sounds bracing… the “It’s alright” tone. Boy am I in a pickle. I need an unbiased answer but the only people that can do that are the ones that know me… namely my friends. And that totally screws up my unbiased sample.

-Sayonara for now

Filed under: General

Time for a new post

It’s been seven days and I got 2.5 hours to post this, or else I break my new year’s resolution from two years ago. I believe this is the only resolution I’ve ever kept in my entire life. Sure, stop biting my nails is supposed to be easy… but I guess keeping a blog updated at least once a week is easier. But I don’t know what to talk about; nothing life changing, no epiphanies… But I suppose even the most mundane things are very interesting.

So… a new quarter began this week and I find myself taking physics, math, and astronomy. Everything is so different. You got new faces, new assignments, new locations, new routines… I like it. Although it tends to get pretty lonely because my schedule is almost opposite with my friends, so I never see them. People seem to become less and less social every time a new quarter starts; I remember how easy it was to make a friend the very first quarter. Still, I’m confident I’ll make new friends.

I’m a very shy person, although I know some people would have a hard time believing me. It’s just… I take a deep breath, clear my mind, and then I’m a different person somehow. I walk up to a random stranger and we somehow end up talking. Usually, however, I’m quiet, I sit in the back of the class, and nobody notices me. I enjoy that. It’s becoming lonely though. I’m still scared shitless whenever I walk up to a new person. I’m lucky I guess, for I haven’t been rejected… yet.

I took a really long walk with my cousin’s dog today. Her name is Butter. Very creative…. I guess. I’ll upload a picture of her later. Twenty minutes into the walk, I met Julie and her sister. Two hours and forty minutes later, the walk was over. It was pretty fun and I wish it didn’t need to end so early.

It’s going to rain on Sunday and Monday guys, so don’t forget your boots and umbrella.

Oh! I think I AM going to make a theme song. I’m woefully short of videos at the moment though (recyling videos don’t sound at all appealing, though in the end I may not have a choice) and I have tons of pictures of people covering their faces or turning away… which is retarded. Seriously guys, if you complained to me about how I don’t have many pictures of you in the first video, THEN DON’T COVER YOUR EFFING FACES! =O

Filed under: General

I haven’t blogged about one of these in a long time, so I sort of forgot how to? Lately this wave of depression has been creeping up onto me ever so slowly until it can no longer be ignored. I guess I’ll just have to wait it out. The realization and acknowledgment of the reason why… yeah that’s what caused it. It’s amazing to see how such a small issue can really bring me down. But how is it small? Insignificant to my circle of friends yes. But not insignificant to me.

People’s opinions matter to me… way more then what should matter. This is intensely magnified when it comes to friends. So if I like someone and my friends find something “wrong” with her, it just can’t be ignored. No matter how much it fucking pisses me off. It’s just sickening how easily they can wreck the way I look at someone. And they seem to do it so carelessly.

Don’t get me wrong, my friends aren’t evil. It just really offends me. It insults my taste in women. More importantly, it’s insulting the actual person I like. It’s fucking hard for me to like someone… anyone! Especially now.

This brings me to an important split in the road. Do I tell my friends to shut the fuck up and keep their opinions to themselves? Or even lie through their teeth?

Or do I want them to keep pouring the hate? Because a small part of me does appreciate what they try to do. They all look out for me and they want what’s best.

Which is why I take the secret third route, which is to not tell them about anything. It may be coincidental or it may not, but the girls I’ve had the best times with were the ones I’ve kept secret from my friends.

So maybe it is the right choice to leave my friends for one weekend and make a trip to San Francisco. It’s also, conveniently enough, the most spiteful one I can pick. I’m also secretly a spiteful person =P I wish I wasn’t as spoiled, but I’ll work on that some other time. So I’m sorry guys for leaving you. But to be honest, you’ll all have fun without me anyways! And in the end, you won’t even notice I wasn’t there.

Fuck. I guess I have to address this as well: I am totally aware of the hypocrisy. I’ve always adopted the “friends first” policy as my rule. I don’t believe in that “rules are made to be broken” b.s. Rules are there for reasons. Some of the reasons are damn good. I guess this shows that I’m changing or that the rules only apply when convenient for me. SHIT the second conjecture just totally pisses me off. If it turns out that’s true, don’t worry, for I will totally fuck myself over. Twice. I never thought the day would come where I’d pick just a friend over my closest friends, but they will occur. Plus the SF trip was planned further in advance.

Sayonara.

Filed under: General