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Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

A major mark

OMG OMG OMG! One more view then the 500 mark is reached! Pull out the firecrackers! Order some pizza! Party at my place!

Filed under: Uncategorized

Happy Birthday Teresa!

Birthday Reminder

It’s your birthday, so don’t feel down;
Don’t think bad stuff and frown;
Your life should be filled with mirth;
Just look what you’ve done since your birth.

You started out really small,
Now you’re really filled out and tall.
In the beginning you would just cry,
Now you can laugh if you try.

You’ve done quite well since your start,
So as you grow older take heart;
Keep up the good work and don’t be a jerk;
Stay happy till you’re an old fart.

By Karl Fuchs

… and seriously be less of a jerk. remeber, a smile is a frown…. turned upside down =D
=[ < =]

Filed under: Birthday poems, General, , ,

A small skit (based on a true story)

Setting: Going up the ramp at Walgreens in Evergreen Square.

Characters:
Bao Pham
Martin Nguyen

B: (sniffing) Dood, do you smell smoke?

M: Yeah, smells like incest -ahh- INCENSE!

B: WHAT!? LOL

M: Aww, FUCK!!!

End Scene 1

Filed under: General, Vie, , ,

My life is like cherry flavored medicine mixed with sugar: bittersweet… disgusting

“Even a secret keeper needs a secret keeper.”
-Bao

One of my Fremont friends told me that blogs like mine shouldn’t just be something like mine… I should have feelings in there too, what I see in my life, how actually Is my life going, .

Nowadays, I always feel like I have a deadweight on my chest. I used to associate that feeling to guilt and fear of being yelled at. I drown myself in music and friends. I stay up and do homework. Nothing helps. Why? What is wrong with me and how am I screwing up my life without knowing? But in the back of my mind, I think I know it. Maybe it’s because my subconscious knows that my chances of getting into a UC is next to nil. Are all my feelings, actions, and perspectives based on guilt? Dear God, I hope not.

I’ve also felt like I’ve been keeping too many secrets lately. That’s me, the secret keeper. Well, not just a secret keeper. A garbage heap in the nicest way possible. Everybody has problems and they all need an outlet, a trash disposal. That would usually be me. Now please don’t get me wrong. I love it when people come to me with problems. And the last thing I’m saying right now is that your secrets are garbage. Being a secret keeper, a friend to talk to… It makes me feel important, happy almost. I’m such a good person that almost everyone I know thinks of me when they want to burst. I sometimes feel like that guy in the kleenex commercial who’d invite random people to talk to him. Some would burst crying. Others would shed tears of laughter. All of them needed the Kleenex. Whether he’s real or not, he’s inspired me. But often times, my dam shatters and I break apart. A few days ago, Shawn came to me out during fifth period to talk about his grandfather, who’ve just recently passed away. His grand dad was a good cook, fought in two wars, and loved Shawn dearly. All I had to do was listen and say the right things all in the name of our friendship. But in the end, both of us cried. No Kleenex to help us there.
I might’ve looked pathetic to others at the time. A guy that cries?
Who gives a fuck?
There’s this popular phrase that says “Real men don’t cry?” Really? Real men, I’ve heard, join the army, fight in wars, fire a gun. Are you absolutely fucking positive that all of them came back without shedding a single tear? For a while though, I’ve believed in that axiom. A part of me still do: the part that keeps my feelings bottled up. There’s no time to worry about yourself now Bao. Yet another friend is in trouble, I think you should go listen to her. Let her pour her sorrow into your already melancholy soul. Gladly.
My own feelings can wait. Time to help out another person and add a small one ounce weight to my chest. I guess this could be a monument to how much I care about my friends, how much I treasure them, from the most quiet to the most sarcastic and cruel. Some of them hurt me, squeeze the life out of me emotionally. I hurt. Some of them do it on purpose, just to watch me squirm, to be in pain. Not the ones that do it for fun (fun, I can handle. OMG EDDIE STOP POKING HAHAHHAHA THAT TICKLES YOU BITCH!), but just for a unhuman, savage satisfaction. I call them self-centered. Why don’t I fight back? Am I a coward? Yeah, I’d wholeheartedly believe myself, along with several other people I can name off. The truth is, I’m scared of hurting back. Not many people understand, or SEEm to understand. Or maybe when I tell them, they just think it’s another excuse to be cowardly. I’m confused myself. I convince myself this over and over again. Why do I even need convincing? Don’t I already see things like that? Or is there some other hidden feeling beneath it all? To cover it all up, I say I’m a disgrace. Even when the other person is the greatest dolt on Earth.

My feelings are becoming weak too. I can bend them at will, like soft clay. Bao let’s go on that ride, looks fun. Meh, looks a bit too wild for me. Bao shut up and go with us it’ll be fun. You should be excited. So I become excited. Yes, that’s the other thing. Throughout the years, my feelings grew increasingly weak, controlled by hard discipline and hard consciousness. So weak in fact, that it seems like anybody can control them. Pst, Bao, that girl over there…she’s hot huh? Yeah, she’s okay, not my type though. Psh, I bet you like her, you’re becoming so unreadable that you’re readable. Snap! I like her now. Retarded. I’m not a puppet. Where are the damn strings!? They’re figurative Bao. You might not see them, but they’re there, wrapped tightly along every square inch of your body and controlled by others for both the good and the evil. Oh, ok… so what’s for lunch?
I’m not too sure anymore what my feelings are, or if I ever really do have real feelings anymore. They all seem so artificial, generated by my mind rather than my heart and soul. Except sorrow. I enjoy sorrow the most, the sweetest feelings I ever have. They all seem to come from my chest, right in the middle, dead center the spot where the government would draw concentric circles around so the secret agents have something to shoot at for target practice. When I break part, whether tearful or tearless, I feel pain, real pain. Do I enjoy this? I’m not sure, but one thing is certain. The feeling is genuine. That’s why I’m happy when someone else comes up to me with problems. The pain I share with them is real. I feel the most qualified… for sharing such anguish and misery. Sad huh? But don’t worry about me. Keep em coming!
But Bao, what about all those times we laughed together? How about the day we spent at the Great Mall or the walk home from Lunardi’s? I honestly don’t know. I don’t have a frigging clue. Laughing now seems more of a reflex to me. When I laugh, my mind becomes blissfully empty. Nothing else to worry about, just a clean white canvas. Like drugs! You feel as if you’re flying. Lightheadedness takes over. I feel happier than I’ve felt in years. But then again, the question comes up. Is the feeling authentic? Feels like the real deal when you’re in the moment and sometime afterwards. Still does now. That was such an exciting night.

Hey Bao, if you’ve just decided to start pouring your feelings into your blog, where have you been keeping them before? Friends. Some of them are here. One of them even heard me cry, threatening suicide, breathing unevenly. Most of them are in Fremont. And of course, God. I almost never pray to him anymore. Probably less than five times a year. I view him as the big gun, the lifesaving object behind the “break in case of emergency” glass. Only pray… when you really need to. He’s not like that you know. He’ll listen to you, more than you or I could ever do it. Hell, he’s been doing that for centuries.

Hmm… Fremont and Evergreen. During our stay at the mall on Wednesday, we had a “circle of secrets.” Alright, even more secrets! Eddie asked me whether I preferred my Fremont friends over my Evergreen friends. I said I didn’t know. I still don’t know, but then I had some thoughts. I’m even ashamed to admit it, but psh, I’m pouring out feelings right? So what the hey?

My conscience has a voice. Not my voice contrary to all guesses. No, it’s usually a friend. I don’t remember the last time my voice was my own conscience. Before, it used to be Melanie’s voice or Vincent’s voice. Now it’s Eddie’s, Teresa’s, and Vikki’s, each corresponding to their own personality. Bao, you should do this, because adfjklad a. Eddie. Haha, Bao you’re such a LOSER. Teresa. Oh my God, I’m such an idiot! Vikki. Yes that’s what I really think of you guys, and if you don’t agree, swell. But still, I’m ashamed. Why do I have “Fremont” friends and “Evergreen” friends? Wait, why am I writing that part? I don’t mind having “fremont” and “Evergreen” friends. It’s good to be able to compare to eras of one parts happiness and two parts agony. But what would I do? Who would I choose? Why the Fremont guys of course! Because I miss them and love them with all my heart. Okay, time to pack some bags.
.
.
.
.
THen I look back… or forward rather. I’ve done things with my Evergreen group that I treasure so much, things that wouldn’t be the same if I did the same with my Fremont group. Singing Christmas carols. Splashing water. Chugging soda. Baking cakes! Damn! Things have been good. No. KickASS! Things as simple as sitting on the icy steps during a lazy seventh period and just talking and talking, occasionally throwing a football here and there… can bring so much joy! Maybe, just maybe. I like both my group of friends as much as the next.

Fuck it Bao! Choose one! The Pepsi or the Coke? I dunno…. the Cokesi? I still don’t know who’d I prefer, or even give a rat’s ass about who’d I prefer and that’s just the way I like it. I can’t give you a straight answer if I don’t know it myself. Live with it.

I hope you’ve learned a lot about me. Some of you might’ve had your suspicions about me dead on. That’s nice… Some of you might’ve been thrown off by it. Wtf, when did Bao become so complicated all of a sudden? Some of you might’ve found out that you knew less about me then you’ve thought you’ve known. Wtf, when did fucking Bao become so DAMN COMPLICATED!? Moi, I realized that I know less about me than I would’ve like. I learned about 800 things though, so oh well. Compromise. That’s what life is about.

Well… I’ve had a mild emotional rollercoaster writing this. I was kind of expecting salvation at the end of my post. I’ve felt as if I’ve made a HUGE dent, penetrating the surface. But… hmm. Looks like I’ve still got a long way to go. I think I’ll just save it for some other time.

Ta ta!

Filed under: General, Vie, , ,

Iraq

People at Berkeley decided they hated the Marines and wanted their recruitment office out. Later, they decided that they didn’t hate the Marines, but they hated the Iraq War.

Clinton, if elected, would pull out our troops ASAP.

Everybody seems to have forgotten. It’s all about now isn’t it? We weren’t like this several years ago. Why? Or a more generic, commonly asked question is: Why can’t we pull our troops out now?

Well…

THIS IS WHY!

Filed under: General, ,

More numbers!!!!

I decided to start a Part II from the numerology post, one of the very first. Hopefully if you’ve seen it, you might’ve become a bit less narrow-minded with numerology. But most of you are probably wondering, “How does this apply to me?” Yes in modern day society, most things have to be about you doesn’t it? But do not worry. I have a special activity for you. =] It might be helpful to have out a pencil and scratch paper, for this involves a little math. But I have a very smart audience (=]) and I think many of you will be able to do this in your head.

Everybody has a special number. Well… two special numbers to be exact. Your most important number is your birthforce number. Your birthforce number can be found by adding up all the digits in your birthdate until you arrive at a 1 digit number. Each number demonstrates a different personality.

1. Strength of will and individualism
2. Reason and docility
3. Happiness and energy
4. Stability and organization
5. Self-confidence and impatience
6. Art and balance
7. Thought and introspection
8. Leadership and materialism
9. Mental and spiritual wisdom

Once again, to find your birthforce number, take your bdate, and continuously add the digits until you reach a one digit answer.

Example: Bao’s bdate: 10/26/1990.

1) Add up all digits: 1+0+2+6+1+9+9+0 = 28

2) Repeat: 2+8 = 10

3) Repeat: 1+0 = 1.

Conclusion: Birthforce number equals 28/1. (28 from the second result) Now, the most important number is the denominator, but you’re also supposed to look at the numerator to find where the 1 came from. The one means that I have strength of will and individualism. If you do not know me well, you probably assume that this calculation is totally inaccurate. Bao is WEAK!!!

PSHAW!!!! Most of my best friends from Fremont will find this characteristic to be 100% valid. MOVING ON!!!!!
[Wtf? We thought that’s all you need to know.]

Au contraire. While I did give you my birth force number, supposedly the most important one, there is still the name number.

Okay. There are several ways to calculate your name number, but one popular system is based on the Hebrew alphabet and uses the digits one through eight.

1—2—3—4—-5—6—7—8
—————————–
A—B—C–D—E—U–O—F
I—-K—G–M—H—V–Z—P
Q—R—L–T—N—W
J——–S————X

Y

p>The chart may look confusing. I had to fix it so it’ll look accurate on the blog. Basically you read it by columns. 1 = A, I, Q, J, Y. 2 = B, K, R. etc etc

Now, spell out your full name and put the corresponding numbers beneath each letter.

B A O A P H A M (A. = Andrew, my middle name. Try just 1st and last name or my way. Both are valid.)
2 1 7 1 8 5 1 4

Add:
1) 2+1+7+8+5+1+4 = 29

2) 2+9 = 11

3) 1+1 = 2 Two indicates that I have reason and docility. Apply your birth force number and your name number and see what you can come up with =] For example, my reading shows that I have strength of will and individualism [You commie bastard!!!!1]. Strength of will can imply stubborness. (I want it MY WAY BITCH!) Soooo, I can be stubborn because of my will, though I also reserve a sense of reason and many of you know how docile and calm I am.

Don’t believe all this works? Let’s look at some real live examples!!

Eddie Truong: 5+4+4+1+5+4+2+6+7+5+3 = 46

46 = 10 = 1. Sooo, 46/1 Eddie? You also have strength of will and individualism or else you would’ve given up on the MAC before its fruition and you would’ve abdicated leadership to the Wushu people. Your strength of will and individualism is from stability and organization (you’ve organized the community service curriculum and the club and the forums (forums iono)) and you have achieved art and balance.. through martial arts. See??? This makes a certain amount of sense. Remember this may not be completely accurate because it’s his name number. Birth numbers are much more important.

Van Kieu: 1/21/1990 = 23 = 5 = 23/5: Van’s reason and docility (we know he has that) plus his happiness and energy (He has too much of those) leads to his self-confidence and impatience. Definitely impatience when he teaches Kevin Calculus and me Chemistry and is always overconfident in a good game of chess.

Saurav Agrawal: 10/31/1991= 25 = 7. Saurav has reason and docility [wtf. Well, I guess he sort of does. Reason, definitely.] and self confidence and impatience [HELL YEAH] which leads to thought and introspection. Saurav always has introspection especially when it comes to grades. But don’t we all?

Other important numbers are also present and if you run across one of these numbers in your calculations, they may apply.

11: (Mine) This was the number of Christ’s faithful desciples and thus stands for revelation and truth.

12: Veery significant number. Associations include 12 signs of Zodiac, 12 hours in day and night, 12 Gods of Olympus, 12 Tribes of Israel, 12 apostles, and 12 days of Christmas. As a result, 12 stands for completeness.

13: Traditionally considered an unlucky number that signifies doom and bad luck. Supposedly, it’s bad reputation stems from the fact that Jesus and his 12 disciples totalled 13 men, and the 13th men, Judas, was a traitor that indirectly killed Jesus.

22: Also said to be important because there are 22 letters in the Hebrew alphabet and because there are 22 cards in the “major arcana” of the Tarot deck. Also signifies completeness.

40: This number also has many associations in history and religion. Examples include the 40 days and nights Moses was stuck on his boat during the Flood, the 40 days he spent on Mt. Sinai, and the 40 days Jesus spent fasting in the desert. Once again, it signifies completeness.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think you should hope for numerology to be 100% accurate. Sure, it IS surprisingly right on for many people (certainly surprised me). But do not base people’s personality on some names and numbers. It’s a bad idea.

six words six words six words six words YES!!!!!!!

This post now has officially 1000 words after the YES!!!!!!

After thought: HOLY FUCK! This blog was SO fucking annoying to edit. OVER AND OVER again I had to fix the damn letter chart. And soo many errors I had to go back and fix it’s not even funny. Shit! I don’t think it was even worth it to post this one.

DAMMIT! Reading it over I thought this post was HELLA boring. But no I’m not gonna delete or else I would’ve wasted 30 minutes of my life over nothing.

Filed under: General, ,

cocktails! and a paradox

So, how do you make a Bao?? Should you turn it into uncreative banh baO? Or do you want to make up something new? Saay, a cocktail?

So… how do you exactly make a Bao cocktail?

Ingredients:
3 parts competetiveness
5 parts brilliance
3 parts empathy
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Top it off with a sprinkle of wisdom and enjoy!

I found this website where you can make yourself a cocktail. I’ve found cocktails for other people too.

Eddie:
Ingredients:
5 parts intelligence
3 parts self-sufficiency
5 parts instinct
Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of wisdom

Saurav:
Ingredients:
5 parts pride
1 part courage
3 parts empathy
Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of fitness and enjoy!

Martin:
Ingredients:
1 part anger
3 parts arrogance
3 parts joy
Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of curiosity and enjoy!

Teresa:
Ingredients:
3 parts jealousy
3 parts brilliance
1 part instinct
Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of wisdom

Kevin:
Ingredients:
3 parts friendliness
1 part courage
5 parts ego
Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add curiosity to taste! Do not overindulge!

Audrey:
Ingredients:
3 parts anger
1 part ambition
1 part
Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little curiosity if desired!

Van:
Ingredients:
5 parts competetiveness
1 part arrogance
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little sadness if desired!

Christine:
5 parts success
3 parts crazyiness
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Serve with a slice of lustfulness and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Cassandra:
How to make a Cassandra
Ingredients:
1 part anger
5 parts self-sufficiency
5 parts instinct
Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of wisdom and enjoy!

Interesting, ey? If I have intentionally left you out and you want to find out how to make yourself, try this website: http://go-quiz.com/cocktail/cocktail.php.

There have been MAJOR arguments as to whether or not life exists outside our troubled blue planet. Some people say, “Psh, of course! Space is so big! What are the odds of us being alone?” Others say, “Life on other planets?? Nonsense!” Yet others are like, “I don’t care really. But I hope they never come!”

So… what ARE the odds of there having life on other planets? To satisfy my friends who are complete math freaks, I shall provide you an equation. YES, there is actually an equation that will give you odds as to is there life on other worlds. Or more accurately, life that we can communicate with. Developed in the 1960’s by an astronomer named Drake, the Drake Equation is one of the most famous equations in the astronomic community.

Drake’s equation states:

N = R* x Fp x Ne x Fl x Fi x Fc x L. Woow, it looks like the equation will lead up to a really big number huh?

(Lower case letters are subscripts) Soo, the equation is actually pretty straight forward. R* is the average rate at which a star is born in our galaxy. Fp is the fraction of those stars that actually have planets. Ne is the average number of planets that can potentially support life among the fraction of stars. Fl is the fraction above that can go on to potentially develop life from the fraction above. Fi is the fraction above that develops intelligent life. Fc is the fraction of intelligent life that develops any form of technology that provides evidence of their existance into space. And finally, L is the length of time such civilizations release signals into space.

Okay, Drake estimated that 10 stars per year are created. However, NASA today lowered the number down to 6. fp, stated by Drake himself, is 0.5 and it hasn’t been changed. Ne is 2, also estimated by Drake. Many satellites have eccentric orbits, most of which travel too close to the sun, then too far. So, that’s why we have such a low number. Fl is… 1. Fi is .01 Fc is also .01 And L is an estimated 10,000 years. We are tucked away in an obscure corner of the galaxy that’s why. You do all the math and the final answer is…. 2. NO idea what that means… just that odds are high… don’t ask.

Soo if odds are high, why aren’t we hearing anything? Why isn’t SETI pissing in their pants right now? Several theories answer this. Most obvious that comes to mind is that our estimates are wrong or the entire equation is wrong. Others say that alien civilizations are xenophobic. Seriously, who’d want to meet such a bloody violent race? There’s also the ZOO hypothesis. Says that we’re a little experiment and that no outside interference can be permitted. Others say that any advanced civilization out there would have killed themselves already. (Known as Fermi Paradox).

Filed under: General, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,