Bao's weblog


Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

Psst… wake up!

“…huh..?” groggily answered the person next to me. Teresa? Suddenly, a really bright, blinding light flashed against my eyes.

“Alright, alright, I’m up! Turn that light off please!” I hastily told the person and the LED flashlight shut off. “Damn, why are we up? It’s…” I glanced at my watch. “Fucking 2:45 in the morning.”

I was sitting on the floor with my back up against the wall. Shining the light in my eye was another girl… clutching an M4 assault rifle. Never seen her before. (And why do so many of my dreams involve firearms all of a sudden?) We were in a pretty dark room and a bit of moonlight was shining through the window. Looking around, I could see more of my friends starting to stir.

“Remember those people from last time that tried to take our building?”

“Yeah…” I suddenly did.

“Well… they’re back. This is your’s by the way,” she laid down some kind of… I want to say a block or a large brick next to me and ran out the door. Still half asleep, I lazily reached out to the dark object. It felt… familiar. And I suddenly became happy. I inspected it as I slowly woke up. Yep, what she gave me was a… P90!!!!

I waited for none of my friends. I cocked my gun, got up, and walked out the door without saying goodbye. I didn’t see any of their reactions because I never looked back. Looking outside our room I guess we must be in a tall office building in the city. More and more people emerged from their rooms clutching a large variety of guns.

Needless to say, this ended up to be a very adrenaline filled dream. It was pretty fun at first, but then it got scary, then sad… I think I’d be more comfortable if I talked about it some other time. But the beginning… this beginning… was definitely fun.

For me, the beginning of adventures and vacations are the most exciting. It’s not the actual trip to Australia or France or whatever that excites me. It’s the meeting with my friends, us driving to the airport, checking in our bags, and waiting for our flight that leaves at 2 in the morning… that’s really the most exciting part for me.

Filed under: General, While I sleep


It was one of those downpours you get at dusk, only it’s like taking a warm shower because the rain wasn’t as cold. Actually, you could see just a hint of orange as the sun set behind the hills, its rays piercing the glass window in our study room. The lights were off and I was in there with one of the most gorgeous girls I’ve ever seen. Tall and slim with long black hair, it perfectly framed her face and then ran down, ending at her chest. I can’t recall ever meeting someone so angelic, and yet, somehow, it felt as if I’ve known her forever. I couldn’t help but admire and long for the gentle curves of her face and her melodic voice. We revealed and discussed our darkest secrets, our most intimate details… it felt as if she’s always been familiar with mine’s, and I with her’s, as if I’ve known before she even uttered them.. We were so comfortable with each other, and nothing else seemed to matter except that. Everything was so serious, yet so carefree.

Then we reached a break in the conversation without any awkwardness. Only the pattering rain against a window broke the serene silence. I remembered something funny and a small laugh came from me. Suddenly, without any warning, her soft lips gently grazed mine’s. I swear I could’ve seen it coming, but I was absolutely stunned. My breath vanished in an instant, suddenly sucked away. I couldn’t breathe. Did I forget how to inhale!? Her eyes grew wider, a little apprehensive probably. She must’ve known she’s crossed the threshold.

But… I gently kissed her back. The kisses that followed were so soft. They felt so infinitely delicate. And before I knew it, we fell off our chairs and somehow gently and blissfully fell; there was absolutely no impact as we hit the ground. Yes, that was the word: BLISS. Because somehow, she was the girl of my dreams. It’s impossible to explain the sheer ecstasy I felt as we laughed and kissed. It was more than just mindless making out because she was special and because I somehow knew her better than the back of my hand. I never want it to end.

The alarm rang. It was 7:15.

And in that instant, I realized that there isn’t a single girl in the world that can be perfect for me… but only at first glance. She absolutely can’t be the girl of my dreams until I know her, until I memorized her every little detail, her subtle nuances that separate her from everyone else… her personality’s fingerprints.

And as I walked to my car to go to class, I never felt a sharper contrast of melancholy and happiness all at once. I was amazingly happy because that feeling of 100% pure love and bliss is real and that’s what waits for me once I find her. But I couldn’t help but feel a painful letdown as I walked across campus, looking for that angelic face that never existed…

Filed under: General, While I sleep, ,

The nightmare

Bursts of gunfire erupted from the lush hills at dusk. Our Hummer stopped and my fire team and I fell out. (They called us fire team Tango) And there I was, climbing out of the left rear seat. I was different. Supremely confident, fearless, and stronger then I was before, I aimed a burst at a faraway bush where I saw a muzzle flash and heard a satisfying scream. The Marines logo, a badge that indicated my rank, and a proudly sewn on American flag embroidered my gray battle dress uniform. An M4A1 assault rifle rested in my gloved hands, in my holster, an M9 Beretta. I spotted another muzzle flash and aimed at it; I fired and saw a silhouette fall backwards. I saw the blood spray. I was untouched.

War was… LOUD. The rhythmic chatter from the guns, the screams of pain and anger from the hill above us, and the chaotic yells on our radios made for a dissonant symphony. A Marine ran towards the hill with a grenade in his hand and I gave him suppressive fire, adding my own noise into the fray.

Suddenly a teenager with an assault rifle ran out at me… his bayonet gleaming in the semi-darkness somehow. He seemed about my age. I’ve seen him before but only in a far off memory in my mind… It was Saurav. I fired a single round into his skull. And there he fell, and there he lay, only several yards from where I was standing. I looked at him silently. I felt nothing for him.

All around me was chaotic. But I was suddenly more focused. I was unemotional but now with a slight frown on my face. A feminine figure jumped from behind a boulder, her rifle aimed straight at me. I fired and she fell before she could squeeze off a shot. She laid there clutching her side. I’ve never heard Teresa scream before. It was… more of a mournful scream rather than of pain. I could even see the tears stream down her face as her blood seeped from her waist through her fingers. Again, I was untouched. I saw… Kevin rushing towards her, yelling her name at the top of his lungs. With every bit of cool headedness, I fired a calculated burst into his chest and he fell on top of her legs.

Another figure charged at me. He threw down his rifle and just ran at me. I didn’t know who it was until he yelled. This one had Martin’s voice. “Bao you fucker! Fuck you! FUCK YOU!” He was almost crying. I heard all of this burning hatred and sadness in his voice, for I’ve committed the ultimate form of treachery. I lifted my rifle and shot my last round into his forehead.

I leaned towards the side of the vehicle to load a new clip. The last thing I saw before I woke up was my face of the Hummer’s side mirror. I… wasn’t crying. I wasn’t smiling. I was just… there… with that slight calculating frown on my face.

I woke up like from any other sleep. I didn’t suddenly sit up like how people do after a nightmare. I wasn’t sweating or breathing hard. I think I sat there on my bed in semi-darkness for about twenty minutes and stared at my sheets as I processed what happened. Everything was so vivid. I didn’t miss a single detail (how could you when you’re killing your best friends?)  I thought about what the fuck just happened. I heard Teresa scream and I heard Martin cry. I saw Kevin and Saurav bleeding and lifeless. I finally cried then and there on my bed at six in the morning. It was a cold morning. I… I don’t know what to think. I don’t really know what to say. I really wanted to post this though but I don’t know why.

It might be because of all the feelings I’ve described in the last post. Maybe it all snowballed and I couldn’t handle it anymore.

…by far the craziest dream I’ve ever dreamt.

Filed under: General, While I sleep

When the moans are heard, it’s all over…

A crowded room with black, glossy walls, panoramic windows, and a glass elevator shaft is the opening setting. The lights are out, and the only source comes from the windows showing a foggy day. Everything is so eerie… holy crap! A bloody body, pale white, suddenly drops and dangles from the elavator shaft. It jerks and moves about… then slowly ascends back up into the dark floor above. Screams pierced my ear.

“They’re coming! They’re coming!” screamed the room’s occupants in unison. They all started running towards me in panic. I turn around and there was a stairwell exit. To hell with the elevator. I ran from the room on the 86th floor (according to the sign) and I could still hear the shrill screams and cries… pierced by moans. No one followed me down. I reached the first floor lobby and ran through the dark floor. It was night. It was pitched black that was contrasted by the white snow and full moon. Looking up at the building I could still see movement. Moans still echoed.

“Ey you! Needa ride?” I turned around. A beat up blue pickup truck with several people on the back looked at me.

“Yeah, thanks!” I hopped on and off we went, travelling through snow and dirt. We reached a large one story house. Ah, the relief. We ran as fast as hell inside the house and we locked the doors and windows as well as turned off all the lights. We waited with bated breath as we tried to fall asleep. Doesn’t look like we were followed by the ghouls. I had the luck of a front view of a clear screen door to the backyard. As I laid there in my sleeping bag, about ten minutes into the night, the porch light came on. There was movement outside. One of the people with us went outside to take a piss. Moron!

Another person ran out and I could see them arguing through the glass door. You’re not supposed to turn on a freaking porch light when you’re hiding from the living dead! I turned to the only companion left in the room… and we looked into each others’ eyes. I could tell we were both thinking the same thing: CRAP!

I scrambled out of my sleeping bag and made to turn off every damn switch in the house. How many lights did that idiot turn on!? My companion just sat there, crying her eyes out. The final light was in the laundry room, where there was a small window about a foot by a foot and a door leading outside. I switched it off just as the two people outside went through the wooden door. They both looked scared. Outside the window, I saw shadows of people. The strong winter wind carried the faintest of moans.

The two were still arguing and there was no shutting them up. I ran back and tried to pack. Batteries, flashlights, knives… all useless now I think about it. A sharp crack then reverberated in the air as the glass door shattered. I froze as I saw two of them enter, their legs cutting against the sharp broken glass. Maybe if I didn’t move, they would ignore me. A ghoul grabbed my hand. You’re an idiot I told myself. I wrenched my hand free and ran.

This dream was more exhilerating then scary. I can’t wait for the next one.

Filed under: General, While I sleep


(As of 5:51 p.m., July 21st, 2009,  this post has received 1,803 views. Dunno why this particular entry has been so popular… any of you guys reading this right now care to share? 0_o/=P/ =O )

A squadron of F-22 Raptors were flying in a delta formation across the Atlantic. It was a bright night with a full moon, in moderately cloudy conditions. It started out as an uneventful flight for me. We just finished grabbing fuel off of a USAF KC-10 Extender and were on a vector towards an airbase in Germany. There were six F-22s. I was the fourth one on the right, looking straight ahead through the HUD. Suddenly, my receiver crackled, followed by a chilling transmission.

“Holy shit! What the fuck! Get the hell off me!” a pilot screamed. Alarmed, I looked over and saw that the F-22 furthest to my right was very unstable. It made several severe pitch oscillations as it flew, nearly colliding with another fighter.

“Oh my God, Kevin! What’s your status? What’s-”  Suddenly, its cockpit went dark and the fighter nosed down. Shakened but resolute, we continued. But less than a few seconds after, another F-22, the second furthest to the right, was wobbling, reminiscent to the first Raptor that was lost. Before anyone could speak, the cockpit went dark and the fighter drifted away in a graceful bank against the full moon. Not a single scream was heard in our headsets. It’s just like he was never there. Right after the second pilot lost contact, the third F-22, the one to the direct right of me darkened. Without warning. No more light or sound transmitted from that aircraft as it continued to fly in formation, like a dead ghost. I was trembling. 1st Raptor on the right goes dark, 2nd Raptor on the right, 3rd… my god. I was next.

In panic, I disengaged the autopilot, slammed my throttle forward,  and engaged my afterburners. My two Pratt and Witney turbofan engines spun at 100 percent thrust. I broke formation, climbing as high and as fast as I can. I felt sweat as I was shaking and struggling to breathe. My fighter nosed up dead vertical and continued flying towards the starry heavens. The g’s were pressing down hard on my chest, as if some monstrous invisible hand was intent on crushing me. Suddenly, I felt something on my leg, followed by a cracking noise. I looked down onto the cockpit floor… and saw a woman paler than the moon with eyes concealed in the shadows of her eye sockets. She was on my ankle, climbing up on my legs while clinging my olive green flight suit. Her mouth opened and an eerie creaking noise flew out of her mouth to bombard my ears. I could do nothing with the g-forces ramming me into my chair. 

I shoved my joystick down to level out my Raptor and cancel the restraining g-forces, than rolled inverted to throw her off. Hell broke loose. Dark sky and clouds played the blue ocean and the ocean took the sky’s place. I heard the turbofans whine in protest as the plane wobbled while I was shoving her away, elbow knocking on my joystick. The engines quit. The electrical systems failed and all went dark in my confined cockpit. Except for her. She glowed as bright as the pale white moon. The last vision I saw was her face inches from mine, coldness radiating like the light from the warm golden sun or like the dread from my heart. She tore off my oxygen mask… She lunged.

f_22_raptor_1 f22_cockpit

ju-on afg-080505-005

And I woke up sweating.


This was the price I had to pay while I watched The Grudge with Teresa and Xi.

I had a lot of fun writing this post. I’m really proud of it.

Filed under: General, While I sleep, , ,


What do surgeons do if there’s an earthquake during an operation? Like, right in the middle of the operation, a 5.4 earthquake hits and it must be a crazy feeling. The patient is unconscious, put to sleep and is totally helpless under such dire circumstances. What then?

The first step is to push away all of the monitors that might fall on the patient. Makes sense.

The second part, which I find kind of eerie, is for the primary surgeon to put himself over the patient. The other surgeons put themselves over the main surgeon (there’s more than one people wearing green right?) and then for the nurses to put themselves over the surgeons. What’s the logic behind this? To protect the surgeon and patient of course. If it comes down to the worse, the surgeon must finish his job… alone. Whoa. I’ve heard people compare it as being in battle. You always protect the most important person.

This shouldn’t be true in a group of friends. A group of friends shouldn’t have a hierarchy. The main reason behind having a hierarchy is to establish a clear chain of command. Dictatorships have hierarchies. The military has an hierarchy. Should friends? In a group, everyone should be equal. There shouldn’t be an asshole lording himself or herself over the lower minions.

“Hey you. Buy me fries!”

“Burn in hell bitch.”

“What you say to me!?”

“.. I-I’m sorry for my totally unfounded outburst. I’ll be right back with your fries Your Mightiness.”

I had this brutal dream yesterday as my captain and I raced accross the finish in a flurry of white sails and a large, trailing wake behind our small, American sailboat. We placed first and qualified for the next round of boat racing in the Beijing Olympics! In only a span of a few hours rest, the next round began… and yielded the same results. The small American sailboat is the first to cross the finish line, leaving in our wake the sad, multinational competition that, really, isn’t all too much competition. Well, the captain was exremely happy with me and treated me to some Chinese food. (Well, it’s probably just food over there.) After paying for the bill, she got up, and returned to the hotel. I was about to follow suit when my parents came over.

“Bao, it’s time to go home. We have family over remember?”

Ah, the anger. The disgust I felt. Can’t they see that this may be the most important moment of my life? I protested. I argued. I compromised saying we must be back in Beijing as soon as possible. Then I stormed off in search for the officials to find out when the next race is. I went onto our boat. No dice. Odd, they should be there inspecting the boats. I went into a random shack… and saw a corpse, it’s face expressing horror and resignation. What could this mean?

Filed under: General, While I sleep, , , , ,

Three dreams worth mentioning…

Yesterday morning in the hours between one and eight occurred three dreams floundering in my mind, each filling me with a strong dose of adrenaline, fear, and extreme ecstasy. They were so amazing that I must tell people about it.

Watching Independence Day until one in the morning filled my mind with wild images of F-18s fighting it out with a lone, slab of curved metal hovering over what used to be L.A. Since then, it’s been me driving as far away with my Fremont friends as possible from the mothership hovering over the serene city of Milpitas in the later minutes of 9 pm. When will it move? When will it fire hell through it’s ass and incinerate the entire buildings in mere seconds? Thankfully, the aliens either just lost the will to fight, or they politely waited for our sedan to leave before destroying yet another tribute to mankind’s supremacy on Earth.

First dream subtely dissolved into a second one and I found myself in a desert base wearing a dark blue SWATuniform, black vest, and lethally clutching a P90… a gun. Umm.. yeah. More specifically…

that’s the gun. Haha, that kind of picture would be for guys with no life who’d unceasingly and loyaly sit in front of his monitor longing to get some. A nerd’s fantasy… I know what you’re all thinking (bastards). I’m SO not one of them. Gosh, I wish I was as strong as her though. I’ll get to that later, but in my dream, it required both of my arms to keep the submachine gun in check. Anyways, aiming and shooting at men wearing tuxedos and shades who are shooting back at you can give you quite a rush, real life or mental. Thankfully, I managed to stay alive until

my third dream entered. Now remember when I wish I was as strong as her? In my dream, I can say three words in one sentence while never being able to utter them in reality without attracting snickers and sarcastic remarks: I am buff! Now I’m talking lumps on the arms without even having to flex. And god, they felt firm. Ohh, soooo firm. Like seriously! When I saw Nam in my dreams jealously eyeing my arms and sporting a look that clearly broadcasted a loud WTF into the general vicinity, I could only think about keeping them this buff until the end of summer when I see the surprised looks on all of your faces (especially Eddie’s). Needless to say, I failed dismally and I woke up, closed my eyes, anxiously squeezing my sorry excuse for arms and thinking NO! They’re gone!

Ah well, at least I’m up to eleven pushups now.


Filed under: General, While I sleep, , ,