Bao's weblog

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Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

I’ll just talk

This is me! With the exception of the 3rd post, this is me!!! 😀 I tell people about my dreams, my French consists of four years of high school classes, and if I have too much alcohol then I know I’ll get sick. And once in awhile, I’ll apologize about not posting more.

I’ve been feeling pretty sad and lonely lately, despite being surrounded by people I know. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I haven’t felt really close to anyone lately. It’s getting easier and easier to depress me. Even that royal wedding that people are so obsessed about is something I find pretty dull.

I would like to have my happiness back please!

Afterthought… I’m such a fucking wuss -_________-

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Filed under: General

My response to “Ode to Nice Guys”

http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html

Hey, thanks for the toast. I think that I do qualify as a “nice guy”, even though I play Falcon 4.0 Allied Force instead of GTA3 and that I’ve never spread rumors before, only facts, and never bad ones. My girl friends have never been drunk around me before and have never flirted shamelessly with me only because they don’t have a date; I think they’re better than that. At least, I hope they are. Anyways, once upon a time (maybe a few months ago) I would’ve applauded after I read this. But you’ve got it all wrong man.

I don’t claim to be an expert on women… they’re more confusing than calculus problems. But the problem with nice guys… is that being too nice is a huge turn off. This is something I’m almost positive about. Do you put women on pedestals? Why do you always go out of your way to help her out? Last time I checked, you’re not her lapdog. No, you shouldn’t be her lapdog. It makes you look weak. Sure, some women want a nice guy, but it doesn’t mean she wants someone who will just bend over whenever he sees her. The opposite sex wants confidence. Come to think of it, I think you do, too. Why else are you being so nice to assholes? And would you honestly like a girl who is always doing things for you, like doing your homework, making your lunch, kissing the ground you walk on?

Yeah man, there’s definitely nothing wrong with escorting her home after she’s had a bit too much to drink. And you better not take advantage of her after she’s passed out. You should play by the rules of this unfair game. But you don’t have to be a doormat! Especially not to this kind of a girl you gave as an example. A girl that leaves you out to dry definitely doesn’t deserve your kindness. Treat her as if you have a life. This means that once in awhile, tell her you can’t be her guy buffer tonight because you have friends to hang out with. You remember them right? Don’t lose track of them over this one girl.

Here’s something else that bugs me. It says, “Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as…’no, it would ruin our friendship.'” Now think about that. Every once in awhile, you’re nice to the right girl. She doesn’t shamelessly take advantage of you 26 hours a day. You guys hang out all the time as equals. You have an awesome friendship, and you– ah, wait. There it is. Can you blame her for not wanting to ruin a good thing… for the both of you? If she wants to take it to the next level man, then I say go for it!! But if she doesn’t, find someone else.

So yeah, one can be a nice guy and also be what the girl of your dreams wants. Don’t be a pushover. Don’t be a doormat. Don’t let the desire to please ooze out of every little pore of your body. Stand up straight, keep your chin up. Reinvent yourself. But don’t change the morally good part of you, or else you won’t be in our club anymore right? Damn it’s a sad club. Also make sure you stop looking for “that girl” or else you’ll never find her. That’s why I’ve stopped looking for Emma Watson.

She’ll find me… I know it.

Cheers! And here’s to another toast to us nice guys! 😀

Filed under: General

Protected: This is the shortest post ever. Yet how could it be so meaningful?

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Filed under: General

Weirdest dream ever

I stood on a really clean world. The sky was a pink and the hill I was on had soft, tall grass that swayed with the breeze. I walked up the hill to an Asian girl who looked to be my age. I stopped behind her and looked as she gazed ahead. Without ever looking back at me, she placed her hand on her shoulder, palm facing up, as if she wanted me to put my hand on her’s.

Our hands grazed gently. She pulled my hand and, without ever looking at me, placed it on her breast, inside her kimono. My breath was sucked away and my hand started to tingle. The tingle slowly raged into a burning sensation. I started to “white out.”

I guess I sort of… teleported. The white flash cleared and I found myself under blue skies and in a crowded parking lot. I remembered finding myself crying, but I didn’t know why. The answer came a few seconds later when I saw a blonde woman with a ponytail, holding a pistol and shooting it into a crowd. I felt myself reaching into my pocket and holding up an airsoft pistol I received a few days ago, only in this dream it was definitely a real gun.

I remembered screaming at the top of my lungs, “STOP!” She looked at me with a blank expression. She responded to me by shooting one more round into the crowd. I heard them scream. She slowly pointed her pistol at me. I couldn’t tell if she was doing it slowly or if everything was in slow motion. I squeezed my trigger. I saw her head jerk back, then slowly faced me again. I saw the hole in her forehead and the stream of blood that poured out. She took several steps towards me before collapsing. Her facial expression never changed.

I saw something out of the corner of my eye. One of my friends was pointing a pistol at me. I looked at her.

“No. No…”

I must’ve stared at her for a good ten seconds. My pistol pointed uselessly at the ground. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I don’t think my facial expression changed at all either. It was probably just a blank stare. I heard a shot reverberate in the air. I fell back, this time definitely in slow motion. I hit the pavement softly, my arms and legs were spread out as if I was making a snow angel. There was no pain upon impact with a bullet or with the pavement. My gun was gone. I didn’t see any blood. She walked up and stared down at me and I looked up at her.

It felt odd that I didn’t feel anything for her. I wasn’t angry, sad, or surprised. Does this mean I died? I didn’t realize it until now, but the screaming from the crowd had vanished some time ago and the only noise remaining was the breeze I heard from the beginning of the dream.

I woke up at 10:01, clutching my airsoft pistol, which was actually placed on a bookshelf about 7 feet away from my bed before I went to sleep. It was interesting to note that at night, the pistol was set to safety. In the morning, the selector switch was set to semiautomatic, the trigger wasn’t able to be pulled, and the hammer wasn’t cocked, which meant that I had, somehow, cocked the slide and pulled the trigger at least once in my sleep.

Filed under: General

Technology (more specifically, internet)

Gonna warn you, this post is pretty damn boring. =P At least for you most likely. Below is one of my hobbies

Through the UPS Tracking system, I can see what time the aircraft carrying my package leaves an airport, the local time of course. A simple conversion can give me my local time (Pacific) or GMT time, at my choice. Pretty easy right?

Using this information and the current time, I can roughly estimate where the aircraft would be using the general direction it has to go to reach the U.S. along with cruising speed of the plane found on a site such as Wikipedia. However, I can’t take into account airport delays or complications with the aircraft’s hardware, since I wouldn’t know where to find such minute details. After all, UPS only tells customers the time of a “departure scan,” not the moment their aircraft clears the runway, be it on schedule or an hour late.

But what I can determine is the direction and speed of wind of where the plane might be. Using simple physics (vector addition with either head to tail drawings or, preferably, adding by components… uhh, vector AB + vector BC = resulting vector AC), I can increase my accuracy and therefore increase my chances of finding my desired plane. Obviously that would be overkill, but I’ve done it for fun before.

Next I can go to a website called http://www.flightradar24.com. If the plane is near one of the 250 ADS-B receivers around the globe and the aircraft is equipped with an ADS-B transponder (unfortunately, not all of them are), I can see its current location, live. If I manage to find it, I can also find other information in its flightplan, such as current speed in knots, its altitude, its destination and departure airports, the type of aircraft, be it a Boeing or an Airbus or something else, heading, its callsign, etc.

If I’m so ridiculously bored and anxious for the package to arrive, I can usually determine the area control center that is in charge of the airspace the plane is currently in. Then it’s possible to go and listen in to their radio chatter and see what’s going on with the plane.

A lot of pieces must fall in place for this to work. The plane must be carrying the right transponder and there has to be a valid receiver nearby, so flightplans that go over oceans or mountains are ruled out. It has to be near a busy air traffic control site or else people wouldn’t be interested enough in that area to put apps for listening in. As scientific as I put it, a lot of luck is required, especially with packages shipping from overseas.

Still, if everything goes right, I can do all of this from my room and through an every day laptop and an internet connection.

In this particular case, I’m tracking a package originating from Hong Kong. After taking off from Chek Lap Kok, the UPS aircraft will inevitably (I think) fly to the U.S. using the Pacific Organized Track System, a route connecting the continental U.S. to Japan and Southeast Asia. I’m not quite sure about this hypothesis, since the plane landed in Anchorage. There are no ADS-B receivers in the Pacific, Alaska, Yukon Territory, or the northern portions of British Columbia. Through research, the only aircraft in UPS’s fleet that can make that trip is either the MD-11F or the 767-300F, with cruising speeds of 470 and 473 knots respectively. Departure scan at Anchorage is 4:57 local time, or 5:57 Pacific. Assuming the plane took off around, say, 45 minutes afterwards (~6:45), it’s been airborne for about 2 hours and 20 minutes. We can assume the plane has traveled 1095.1 nautical miles. If it’s been going on a direct route (unlikely), it should be in range of flight radar 24… no such luck. That means it hasn’t been going the direct route, which means I’d have to research current victor and high altitude airways, basically highways in the sky. Ahhh, maybe some other time when I don’t have an econ midterm breathing down my neck =P

If that isn’t fucking amazing, then I don’t know what is. I’ve never taken the internet for granted ever since I found out how to do this. Reading through all of this, I just have to ask: HOW IN HELL CAN ALL OF THIS EVEN BE LEGAL?!

Cheers.

Filed under: General

My Achille’s heel

For the love of me, I find it really difficult to remember anyone’s names. I’m fine with memorizing faces, but that doesn’t help when someone familiar walks up to me and yells, “Hi Bao!” and I reply with an embarrassing, “Heey! What’s up… umm… sorry what was your name again?” Really common names like Mark or Annie is hard. Complicated names like Aahaladita are also hard. Something unusual and short, like Hugo, I’m good at (Hugo is a fencing classmate).

It makes me seem like I don’t find you important enough to remember your name.

Filed under: General

Rules are (not) rules

I’m currently in direct violation of rule #9. I haven’t seen any of my “close” friends for the past two weeks, even though a lot of them go to the same campus. Plus our schedules overlap so we’re on campus simultaneously. How about that? But I think the truth is they don’t really go out looking for me just like how I don’t actively try and find them. Even when we run into each other once in awhile, I don’t say hi.

But there’s something extremely important about these rules that I have to explain. These “rules” aren’t rules at all; they’re merely suggestions. You just can’t go through life with your own set of standards and expect people to follow them. Chances are that they won’t and if you take that too seriously then how do you expect to be happy with anybody you meet?

The only thing that the list applies to is myself. I choose to (try to) live up to these standards, but the last thing I have the right to expect of anyone is equal treatment. That would actually be a fallacy, though I’ve forgotten the name a long time ago.

And to those of you who do nice things for people and expect nice things in return… I never got that. Why do you expect it? Do you think God is keeping score? Hell, do you think they’re keeping score? Fuck no. I hate to break it to you, but unless you do nice things for the sake of being nice, you’re in for a huge disappointment. The only exception out there would be Asian families who don’t want to lose face when they get a hella nice gift. What about karma? Well in my experience, karma only exists when you do bad things, not good.

Hmm… I bet not many people know I think like this a lot. And even though I’ve never expected anything of the people I’ve met, I’ve still become sorely disappointed in an overwhelming majority. It’s… pretty depressing. I hope something convinces me otherwise or else I might become disillusioned soon. 0_0

Filed under: General

Group quiz tomorrow!

I’m starting to realize just how much I’ve changed during the past several years. I remember back in high school being somebody who thought, “Fuck, my partner had better be hella smart.” Then, to my exasperation, it usually became me that did 100% of the quiz.

Times have changed. All I worry about now is appearing at least competent in front of my partner, whoever he or she may be tomorrow morning. Time to study and hope I don’t make a complete jackass out of myself.

Cheers!

Filed under: General

WHAT ARE YOUR WINGS FOR?

…I wanted to fly in your sky…

I met her for the first time in weeks. It was… surreal. I forgot how amazing she looked, how nice she was. Our relationship had become superficial, masked by catching up, idle joking and quiet laughter over bento boxes and sushi. Previously, we hadn’t let the past hinder our friendship and it seemed as though we’d do the same dance again, perpetuating the endless cycle. But this time it’s different. I feel it. I just wonder if she does also. Something vital about this relationship is broken.

Filed under: General

My last several weeks

This quarter I’m taking microeconomics, second quarter calculus, introduction to visual art, morals and ethnics, and fencing, totaling to 17.5 units. Not a bad workload at all.

My only gripe about calculus is that it’s at 7:30 in the morning. I might as well be hitting my snooze button there instead of in bed. After that one hour class, at least on Mondays and Wednesdays, is a two hour class where I sit in a chair and take notes about paintings. I find that mindless work and it’s too easy to doze off on those soft chairs also. Microeconomics is slightly interesting because the professor talks a lot about economic problems in the U.S. But today, he showed us how to make a graph. I’m not talking about functions and relationships. No… Today’s lecture was basically: “This is the x-axis or the horizontal axis. This is the y-axis, also known as the vertical axis. Where the two lines meet is commonly referred to as the origin.” Damn, 6th grade flashback. I was utterly surprised when people all around me were taking notes and asking questions. Other than that, micro is pretty neat. Fencing is also really interesting. After donning the white uniforms and the mesh face mask, I always feel a small amount of excitement. It’s too bad we won’t be able to hold a foil for weeks. Today was all about footwork. Advancing, retreating, extensions, and lunges… I think practicing Taekwondo gave me a bit of a head start.

Before this first week of classes was spring break of course. It’s already pretty blurry in my mind. I don’t remember what I did on Monday or Tuesday. Wednesday I took a trip to UC Berkeley to visit some friends. It’s a really nice campus, though what ruined the trip for me was the heat. I skipped a picnic with some close friends on Friday. Sometime after that, I helped a friend buy a mattress and installed it into his new house. We also fixed the garage. Saturday was a trip to Milpitas for some dim sum and a visit. Sunday was… nothing.

It’s weird. Lately I’ve been growing more distant with my really close friends, but I end up spending more time with newer people. Even the close ones who go to De Anza I hardly ever see around, or even desire on hanging out with them. It’s pretty sad, but I guess my different lives aren’t meant to interact.

Finals week was pretty fun. Yet again it was because of people I’ve only known for several weeks. On Monday I studied with a bunch of people in my English class over some burgers and shakes. On Wednesday, I studied with a really nice girl for chemistry. We ended up staying past Barnes and Noble’s closing time, so we had to relocate to a friend’s house. We talked, laughed, and worked, not finishing until 11 at night. I’ve never had so much fun studying for a final in my life. I guess in the end, it’s those countless people that come and go, who’s names I forget but who’s faces are seared in my eyes, that I have to thank for not making college life a drag.

And there’s a piece of my life from two weeks ago to today. Would you like to live it?

Filed under: General