Bao's weblog


Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

An old post that hasn’t been published.

Hey guys! With midterms finally over and midterms just a day or two away, I’m surprisingly not as stressed as I really ought to be. I’m a bit behind on my studying sure, but only by my standards hopefully. See, there’s this thing you need to look out for called “The Planner’s Fallacy.”

If you think you’ll be at a friend’s house in five minutes, say you’ll be over in seven to ten minutes. If you think you’ll be free around 1:30, tell them you’ll be free at 2:30. It’s not that things will always go wrong, only that you often overestimate yourself. So normally I prepare for a midterm the night before it’s due (haha, yeah!), but I really give myself a week to prepare. But still even with all of this cushion, it’s still really difficult for me to concentrate.

I’m having a problem. A new discovery about myself that I hadn’t noticed: I tend to have more fun around people I haven’t hung out with. The reason I hadn’t noticed before was because I only hang out with the same group, until recently. Well, now I’m kind of nervous that this post will be tainted with betrayal.

The jokes seem to be funnier, conversation takes less effort, and the urge to be spontaneous emerges. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? I don’t really know what to make of it at the moment, except that it’s a welcome discovery. The fact that it’s welcome saddens me in a way. It completely goes against my principles.

A small possibility emerges. Maybe the friends I’ve become close to aren’t as compatible with me as I thought. But how could that be true after knowing them for seven years? Have we changed so much that it reached the point of no return? Everyone seems to be having such a good time around each other. Why can’t I? Why am I so unhappy whenever certain people show up?

Why is it this way for me, with each group being “replaced” by the next?

Hopefully I just feel this way because of distance. But if that’s the case I have issues to resolve because I won’t be seeing much of anybody when I move out to my San Francisco apartment.

Only time will tell.


Filed under: General

Not the fun kind of busy

Normally around this time of year I should be planning our annual rafting and beach trips. But with group projects, finals, moving, group projects, job hunting, midterms, applications, and group projects just over the horizon, it can’t be helped that I should be taking this year off.

Nevertheless I’m still looking forward to these annual trips, only that for the first time ever I won’t be knowing what is going on. It feels really weird. I think I need to learn how to… lose control. It should be a nice break, yes? No more juggling the schedules of ten different people, looking for that ultra rare, mythical day where everyone happens to be free. No more dealing with last minute changes. No more caring whether or not people are happy. Okay, that didn’t sound as cold in my head.

I still can’t “lose control” over group projects. That is the one thing where I want the complete picture along with every minute detail. It just feels right. I want to have as much control over my grade as possible. I don’t micromanage, but I definitely check everybody’s work, which still feels like I’m doing it. Hopefully I can somehow spin this as being a team player to any future employers. I can’t lead though. Even though the projects are on track and it definitely feels like I’m supposed to be in charge, I… under-utilize people. I have the same problem whenever I play an RTS and sometimes I wish there was a “select idle unit” button in life.

As well as I’m doing in classes, I still feel pretty depressed. Damn, why can’t I ever be happy with my situation and just be happy? Why do I always find something wrong? It feels this way right now. Only a few minutes ago, it feels like something goes wrong whenever something else goes right. It’s hard to tell the difference and I don’t know which feeling is the right one.

Anyways, I’ll keep toiling I guess. Good night.

Filed under: General

Back from the dead, or at least it feels like it

Hi readers. Sorry I broke my promise… again. But I was sick! I didn’t realize until today how many days have flown by. Time sure flies when you have the stomach flu!

As a result of this cursed illness I missed a grand total of four days of lecture, a quiz, and altogether I spent six days clutching my stomach. Not a bad way to burn through an entire week huh? I came to class 100% recharged today and I had absolutely no clue what was being taught; the geography of our current lessons were that foreign. Thankfully I’m blessed with super amazing classmates who had my back the entire time… without even my knowledge of it… and the resultant dip in my grades should have been much more severe than it currently is. 

I’m going to be living in San Francisco starting the first of July. I’m in the middle of doing leasing applications. My roommates are sane enough and, thankfully, don’t seem to be one of the many types of people who I find annoying. The apartment I’m staying at is very well lit, has a nice view of San Francisco, and is no more than a three minute walk away from the edge of campus or a five minute bike ride to the nearest supermarket. Not bad, Craigslist, not bad.

Wish me luck guys. Until next week!


Filed under: General

My harbinger of doom

So much homework to do, but I couldn’t resist.

I’m having a difficult time looking for a place to stay in San Francisco. My parents think they’re helping, but they’re extremely hindering the process. I’m absolutely certain that if they weren’t involved, I would’ve found roommates twice over by now in half the time and a tenth of the headaches and hassle.

I really need to send in my transcripts, from both community colleges.

Along with that, I have to finish my financial aid acceptance process.

I have to sign up for an orientation date.

I have to finish math and mandarin homework.

Guess which ones are more important and guess which one has to be done tomorrow. Do you see the inner conflict every atom of me is trying to control?

If only comets really were harbingers of doom… I can completely sympathize with Calvin.

Filed under: General

But thy eternal summer shall not fade

The symptoms appear. The first batch of college kids now back in town, my annoying seasonal allergies, rising temperatures, and an email from Sunshine River Rafting all point towards the impending arrival of a loooong summer. I’m expecting the typical summer plan with a day on the beach, river rafting, picnics, and maybe lying on the grass here and there. It honestly sounds boring the way I describe it, but I hope it will be fun. Anyways, we’ll see how everything goes. I still haven’t grown accustomed to the huge differences between the quarter and semester systems. Semester kids have returned for summer vacation while I’m only about a third of the way through my spring quarter. With so many people normally gone it almost feels crowded when everybody comes back.

Spring quarter for me is living up to my expectations. The classes are easier (hell, my new major is easier), the schedule I’ve picked out is nice and lazy. My professors are nice; my classmates are amazing people. If it weren’t for the ineffectiveness of my allergy medicine than I would have nothing to complain about. Well, okay that’s not true. But let’s save the complaining for a different post.

The bitter heat of summer combined with its potential for making fond memories will have to wait until my finals are over at the end of June. Sure the heat won’t wait, but the future memories will have to.

Homework beckons. Until next time!

Filed under: General

Refreshed. No. Resuscitated.

It doesn’t feel so great when I’m no longer sure if I’ve used the same title in any of my previous blog posts before. So I added the two other words to make this post about a very unique day… unique.

Well, okay, it was a day in San Francisco. We visited the San Francisco Exploratorium, Japantown for a bit of shopping and sushi. We had a seafood dinner with a spectacular view of the Golden Gate Bridge and of one of the wharfs in SF. We had a dangerously large amount of ice cream called the “Earthquake” at Ghiradelli’s. That’s eight scoops of various flavors, marshmallows, bananas, whipped cream, fudge, and more fudge. With I think eight cherries on top. It was so much it was gross. 10/10, would eat again.

But of course, what made this supposed to be routine and depressing Saturday into a Saturday worth remembering were, obviously, the people I spent it with. I don’t think any of them read this blog, and odds are further reduced thanks to that long period of inactivity of this blog not too long ago, so I’ll add their names. Kevin, Jasica, Lucie… thanks for an amazing Saturday. It was a very refreshing day.


Filed under: General

My first world problems

What was supposed to be a pretty chill spring quarter… is still pretty laid back and relatively relaxing compared to the hellish winter quarter I had a few weeks ago. But there is still something wrong with me.

I pay attention in class and take notes. I understand the concepts. How come whenever I go back to the notes, be it a few minutes after class is over or the following night I don’t understand… anything? I’m talking about my accounting class. Ironically I’m breezing through my business calculus class because I can do most of the problems through instinct. I’m a sitting duck in accounting. I’m on one of the more difficult chapters (Process Cost Systems) according to my professor. Fair enough. That’s no excuse though.

In the end, I tell myself that it’s all basic arithmetic. Nothing fancy. No limits, derivatives, or anything.

On a separate subject, I’ve always wondered how much I care for my friends. It isn’t terribly difficult to reminisce about the old days when I didn’t need another soul to live and have fun with. Even more recently was a dependency on my friends to get me through pretty much anything from a boring Saturday afternoon to hangovers (a direct result from the Saturday afternoon), to any of the problems I cared to share with them. I never consciously realized it until now, but this relationship has gone both ways as I’ve helped other people scrape through their life issues also.

There are times, however, when I’m absolutely content to spending… several weeks to myself. Kicking back with a video game or a rented movie can be as gratifying as a night with your closest friends. Several weeks doesn’t seem healthy though and sometimes I feel like I’m intentionally distancing myself from people I ultimately can’t live without. I hope I don’t alienate or worry them. You know what else worries me?

A somewhat trivial matter, but important nonetheless… the recent lack of entries to this blog has left my English skills quite rusty. The last essay I’ve ever had to write was too long ago. I remember I used to write stories and pour my heart out to this amazing blog that  is now a mere shadow of what it has been. None of my friends really blog as often anymore; those days are quickly waning.

But it’s fine. I could have always asked them how their lives are going with a simple phone call or text anyways. As for me, I’m going to give this blog a chance to once again become a significant part of my life. At the very least, it will serve to hone my English writing skills one final time. So… one blog entry once or twice a week until the end of May. We’ll see how this works out.

I’m drawing a parallel to when the Byzantine Empire split in order to survive. Seems oddly appropriate for what’s happening to this blog and my friends’ numerous blogs that are as inactive as mine was for the last few weeks.


Writing is a struggle against silence.

-Carlos Fuentes

Filed under: General

Hey WordPress. …

Hey WordPress. How are things going? 

Spring quarter so far has been going along fine. I’m still waiting for a couple universities to answer me with an acceptance or rejection. I don’t really care which decision anymore; I just want get it over with. Transfer students began receiving their decisions last week. So far I’ve only heard from one university and they accepted me two weeks after I applied, which was last year. I’m getting quite anxious as you can imagine as I only have until May 1st to accept their acceptance. 

Aside from that I’ve also become depressed again, yet it’s happening really slowly that I don’t even notice it until I’ve finally hit that critical point where I’m officially not feeling good.

Overall, however, things are looking up for sure. 

Filed under: General

Hey WordPress

I’m back from spring break and I’m currently into Day 3 of Spring Quarter 2012. It’s a pretty exciting quarter for me because of its lax schedule. I get to wake up at 10 for God’s sake! The only downer is that I have break generally when my friends have classes so I spend about half of them alone facing my computer or PSP. My managerial accounting class is also very exciting because I’m meeting old classmates from my previous accounting classes. Some have been with me through all of them so I’m getting quite comfortable working with them even if they mostly speak Mandarin all the time…

I could post what I’ve done on spring break, but it’s been a particularly wild one and I don’t know who frequents this blog so I’ll just refrain myself from doing so haha. Nevertheless, it has been a very busy one and I’m quite happy with myself for not staying at home in front of my computer all the time.

Anyways, brace yourselves for the weather people predict rain tomorrow. I still love it when it rains; the sound of those raindrops pitter pattering on whatever happens to be over my head (roof of my house, roof of my car) can really put me to sleep.

Anyways, I’ll come back again when I have something more interesting to talk about.

Cheers!!! yes, with four exclamation points this time!

Filed under: General

The Final Approach

I’m pretty sure I’ve used this personal euphemism before comparing the action of barely surviving finals to a belly landing on the runway. Before I knew it, winter quarter had taken off. I blinked once and midterm season is upon me again with finals week in tow. What. Happened.

I can see all of us slowly changing before me so quickly. Before I knew it, a fourth of my life is over. Before I will know it, I’ll probably be saying my vows. I’ll be able to (hopefully) afford my first house. I can’t believe all of this is coming in maybe four to five years from now. What will be our first housewarming party be like? I blink again and who knows what will happen?

I don’t like how I’ve been living my life lately, despite it yielding the most productive results. I currently live my life in miniature chapters. All I can do at the moment is just look forward to the next day: midterm. Then look forward to the next week: review. Then the next: finals… Blink. The next week: just gotta hand in this report to my boss. Next week: taxes. Next week: friend’s birthday.

What will happen on that fateful day when I look up and realize that I have absolutely nothing left to do but relax? I don’t know… read I guess.

But of course I can’t look this far into the future at the moment. Tomorrow In a few hours, I have to get through an accounting midterm.

Wish me luck guys.

Filed under: General