Bao's weblog


Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

An old post that hasn’t been published.

Hey guys! With midterms finally over and midterms just a day or two away, I’m surprisingly not as stressed as I really ought to be. I’m a bit behind on my studying sure, but only by my standards hopefully. See, there’s this thing you need to look out for called “The Planner’s Fallacy.”

If you think you’ll be at a friend’s house in five minutes, say you’ll be over in seven to ten minutes. If you think you’ll be free around 1:30, tell them you’ll be free at 2:30. It’s not that things will always go wrong, only that you often overestimate yourself. So normally I prepare for a midterm the night before it’s due (haha, yeah!), but I really give myself a week to prepare. But still even with all of this cushion, it’s still really difficult for me to concentrate.

I’m having a problem. A new discovery about myself that I hadn’t noticed: I tend to have more fun around people I haven’t hung out with. The reason I hadn’t noticed before was because I only hang out with the same group, until recently. Well, now I’m kind of nervous that this post will be tainted with betrayal.

The jokes seem to be funnier, conversation takes less effort, and the urge to be spontaneous emerges. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? I don’t really know what to make of it at the moment, except that it’s a welcome discovery. The fact that it’s welcome saddens me in a way. It completely goes against my principles.

A small possibility emerges. Maybe the friends I’ve become close to aren’t as compatible with me as I thought. But how could that be true after knowing them for seven years? Have we changed so much that it reached the point of no return? Everyone seems to be having such a good time around each other. Why can’t I? Why am I so unhappy whenever certain people show up?

Why is it this way for me, with each group being “replaced” by the next?

Hopefully I just feel this way because of distance. But if that’s the case I have issues to resolve because I won’t be seeing much of anybody when I move out to my San Francisco apartment.

Only time will tell.

Filed under: General

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