Bao's weblog


Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

My first world problems

What was supposed to be a pretty chill spring quarter… is still pretty laid back and relatively relaxing compared to the hellish winter quarter I had a few weeks ago. But there is still something wrong with me.

I pay attention in class and take notes. I understand the concepts. How come whenever I go back to the notes, be it a few minutes after class is over or the following night I don’t understand… anything? I’m talking about my accounting class. Ironically I’m breezing through my business calculus class because I can do most of the problems through instinct. I’m a sitting duck in accounting. I’m on one of the more difficult chapters (Process Cost Systems) according to my professor. Fair enough. That’s no excuse though.

In the end, I tell myself that it’s all basic arithmetic. Nothing fancy. No limits, derivatives, or anything.

On a separate subject, I’ve always wondered how much I care for my friends. It isn’t terribly difficult to reminisce about the old days when I didn’t need another soul to live and have fun with. Even more recently was a dependency on my friends to get me through pretty much anything from a boring Saturday afternoon to hangovers (a direct result from the Saturday afternoon), to any of the problems I cared to share with them. I never consciously realized it until now, but this relationship has gone both ways as I’ve helped other people scrape through their life issues also.

There are times, however, when I’m absolutely content to spending… several weeks to myself. Kicking back with a video game or a rented movie can be as gratifying as a night with your closest friends. Several weeks doesn’t seem healthy though and sometimes I feel like I’m intentionally distancing myself from people I ultimately can’t live without. I hope I don’t alienate or worry them. You know what else worries me?

A somewhat trivial matter, but important nonetheless… the recent lack of entries to this blog has left my English skills quite rusty. The last essay I’ve ever had to write was too long ago. I remember I used to write stories and pour my heart out to this amazing blog that  is now a mere shadow of what it has been. None of my friends really blog as often anymore; those days are quickly waning.

But it’s fine. I could have always asked them how their lives are going with a simple phone call or text anyways. As for me, I’m going to give this blog a chance to once again become a significant part of my life. At the very least, it will serve to hone my English writing skills one final time. So… one blog entry once or twice a week until the end of May. We’ll see how this works out.

I’m drawing a parallel to when the Byzantine Empire split in order to survive. Seems oddly appropriate for what’s happening to this blog and my friends’ numerous blogs that are as inactive as mine was for the last few weeks.


Writing is a struggle against silence.

-Carlos Fuentes


Filed under: General

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