Bao's weblog


Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

UC apps completed… and more…

Driven by my mother’s paranoia, I finished my UC applications and turned them in on November 1st. I highly doubt that this will give me a better chance of getting accepted, but my mother will feel better about it and now there isn’t as much pressure as there will be when people are hurriedly completing their personal statements on the 29th.

I’d like to shout out to Christine, Marcus, and Michelle for giving me very valuable input on my personal statements. Everything seems especially top-notch!

I actually went to Marcus’s 21st birthday party yesterday and it was loads of fun. It was the sort of fun I haven’t had in a long time: the sit down, relax, and “play a little pool” sort of fun. Maybe it was just because his house was so warm and smelled like homemade cooking while it rained outside. But while everybody was upstairs crapping their pants over a scary game, I was downstairs with two other people knocking billiard balls into pockets. Smiles all around. Laughter. A roaring fireplace wouldn’t have been out of place down there. And while up there was full of screams, adrenaline, and “what the fucks!!?”, down here was slow and lazy. It felt right.

Pandemonium in the form of the friends upstairs brought itself downstairs and the slow and lazy setting was replaced by the contagious festivities. We shot each other with Marcus’s Nerf guns. For me, it must have felt like this because the holidays were coming. Cue the Santa Claus beer commercials and the snow falling down on Target’s holiday discounts. This can’t be said enough on my blog, but the fun always seems magnified whenever the holidays are approaching.

My friend and I were the first to leave the party. Along the way to drop her off, we talked about how fun it was to see the old faces again, how it felt like high school again, how rain makes her sad and makes me happy… isn’t it heartbreaking? We always chase after nostalgia. If I could imagine a physical manifestation of nostalgia, it would be a floating golden orb emanating light. And if you catch it, it turns into a snow globe with distant memories of us sitting in Starbucks, eating at Sweet Tomatoes, joking around in French class, and definitely a seemingly infinite number of hugs. If I could, I would hug all of you guys. But it’s embarrassing to hug someone for too long because than they’ll start saying something like, “Okay, letting go now…?”

My friend, on the other hand, thinks nostalgia is somewhat sad. And she’s right, it really is. I feel it, too. I don’t know why it’s sad though. Shouldn’t happy memories be happy? Why don’t they age nicely like wine or cheese? I think it’s because times change when we don’t want it to. So then we miss the past when things seemed right.

When I envision my future, it bears a strong resemblance to the past. Everything is right again. I don’t know if I’ll be lucky enough to have such a future in store for me; it just reiterates the fact that all of our futures seem like tiny origami boats floating in the middle of a turbulent sea.


Filed under: General

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