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Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

Sumin

I’d like to say we instantly connected and she trusted me implicitly right form the start, but of course that took some time, although not as much as you might imagine. I’d also like to believe that, nearly bursting with unbridled curiosity and outright fascination though I was…. Honestly, I feel so nostalgic and dopey remembering those early days. We just spent hours talking, about ourselves, our families, our homes and lives, our interests and problems… It was mostly me babbling on at first, probably venting a fair bit as well, so God bless her seemingly infinite patience with me despite her assurances that she didn’t mind. She’d only interrupt to ask a lot of personal questions. They seemed strange at the time, but make perfect sense now of course.

Eventually, she began to open up to me in return, although for a while it was apparent she was giving me edited versions of answers of her personal accounts to mask the more outstanding details of when, how, and why she’d came while giving me more than enough to get to know her by. I recall clearly how it was almost frightening how quickly, strongly, and closely we bonded, for both of us. Though we came from very different circumstances, we clicked naturally. I might even have been the very first relationship she’d ever had, but that’s jumping the gun. It will sound melodramatic again, but for the first time we’d met kindred spirits, someone we could identify with, relate to, open up to, and just understand on the same level… or close on that last count lol. I know of potentially maybe one or two other people who will ever REALLY connect with me at her level, but the catharsis was almost like a physical release, as well as mental and emotional.

I don’t recall exactly how long it took, but in a surprisingly short period she found herself explaining her true intentions to me in full, and her feelings as well along with them. Even prepared for the unexpected, I was stunned. My confidence was extremely low at that time you see. And as much as I yearned to be a part of the fantastic new life I could sense lay with her, there was a part of me that was in denial of all of it as well. For the more unpleasant and depressing realities of the story, and their implications, to NOT be true. And I thought I’D had it difficult. Still, if all she told me was true, then my help, and more hard work than I could conceive of then might be able to make only the best parts of her story come true while denying the nightmare so to speak.

To finally be a part of something amazing, making the most of my potential alongside someone who appreciated me, affirmed me, and to whom I could relate… besides, even if I hadn’t been deliriously enthusiastic…

Crap, I can’t do this anymore. 😦

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