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Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

Scrubs

Have you seen that show? It’s so inspiring. It’s so awesome. J.D.’s epiphanies and rants awe me. And at the end of every episode, he’d narrate with such groundbreaking, yet such obvious, things in life that make you go on and on without giving up. There seems to be so much emotion in his lines, but his voice never changes! It almost sounds passive.

I just wish I could write like that. There’s something about my style of writing that I kind of dislike. I don’t know, I think it’s the tone. Yeah, I think I’ve mentioned tone before in a recent post. I can never inject the right personality or mood into a post. It’s never as scared as I want it to be, or happy, or serious… I think my way of writing may be too neutral for me.

Believe it or not, us guys are just as emotional as girls. Actually, I don’t know! When I say “us guys” I’m mostly referring to myself. It’s always difficult to make a broad generalization, which is why I’m struggling with the rules of friendship list.

Anyways, back to… emotion! (Maybe I should use more exclamation marks!) Here’s something about me that I already know, but it can’t hurt to emphasize. I don’t show much emotion on the outside, because when something is wrong then people inquire. Yes, I have pretty amazing friends that I could just talk to almost whenever I want and will never quit bothering me if they knew something was wrong. And, as one of them says, it doesn’t show weakness to have to talk to someone. For a really long time, I’ve known she was right. After all, I certainly don’t see my friends as “weak” whenever they talk to me about stuff.

But I think with me, I… can’t(!). I think it’s a matter of pride. I just like to deal with my problems on my own. I know what some of you might be thinking. If that was true, why the hell do you talk about your problems on here you damn hypocrite!

And I’m drawing a blank. But hey, do you find me weak? (Ehh, don’t answer that) I guess I just have a different outlet of dealing with the stress from the rest of my group of friends. (The blog) Which… is weird, because a lot of them keep track of this blog, so they find out about my crap anyways.

Haha, I just realized that I’m slowly backing myself into a corner. You guys all know how much I hate hypocrites. Maybe I should open up to my friends more. I also feel kind of guilty how I open up to random strangers more than my friends (hence this blog). And I mean serious stuff, not just sit down next to Kevin and whine, “Ahhh, that girl rejected me I’m hellla sad! Hold me!”

I guess in the end, you always realize that no matter how distant your friends seem to be, whether they’re distant as in another country, or distant as in they’re busy with their boyfriends or girlfriends and have no time for you, you can always go up and talk to them. And they’ll probably listen in the end. Why? Because if they didn’t, then you wouldn’t call them friends right? I probably haven’t realized it much because I’ve never exercised that option. The more I think back, the more I realize that they’ve always been ready to tackle anyone’s problems, including mine’s. And I’m overwhelmingly lucky that I have so many shoulders I can lean on in the end.

…ah damn, definitely not J.D. material, but it’ll have to do =P

Cheers.

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