Bao's weblog


Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

I haven’t blogged about one of these in a long time, so I sort of forgot how to? Lately this wave of depression has been creeping up onto me ever so slowly until it can no longer be ignored. I guess I’ll just have to wait it out. The realization and acknowledgment of the reason why… yeah that’s what caused it. It’s amazing to see how such a small issue can really bring me down. But how is it small? Insignificant to my circle of friends yes. But not insignificant to me.

People’s opinions matter to me… way more then what should matter. This is intensely magnified when it comes to friends. So if I like someone and my friends find something “wrong” with her, it just can’t be ignored. No matter how much it fucking pisses me off. It’s just sickening how easily they can wreck the way I look at someone. And they seem to do it so carelessly.

Don’t get me wrong, my friends aren’t evil. It just really offends me. It insults my taste in women. More importantly, it’s insulting the actual person I like. It’s fucking hard for me to like someone… anyone! Especially now.

This brings me to an important split in the road. Do I tell my friends to shut the fuck up and keep their opinions to themselves? Or even lie through their teeth?

Or do I want them to keep pouring the hate? Because a small part of me does appreciate what they try to do. They all look out for me and they want what’s best.

Which is why I take the secret third route, which is to not tell them about anything. It may be coincidental or it may not, but the girls I’ve had the best times with were the ones I’ve kept secret from my friends.

So maybe it is the right choice to leave my friends for one weekend and make a trip to San Francisco. It’s also, conveniently enough, the most spiteful one I can pick. I’m also secretly a spiteful person =P I wish I wasn’t as spoiled, but I’ll work on that some other time. So I’m sorry guys for leaving you. But to be honest, you’ll all have fun without me anyways! And in the end, you won’t even notice I wasn’t there.

Fuck. I guess I have to address this as well: I am totally aware of the hypocrisy. I’ve always adopted the “friends first” policy as my rule. I don’t believe in that “rules are made to be broken” b.s. Rules are there for reasons. Some of the reasons are damn good. I guess this shows that I’m changing or that the rules only apply when convenient for me. SHIT the second conjecture just totally pisses me off. If it turns out that’s true, don’t worry, for I will totally fuck myself over. Twice. I never thought the day would come where I’d pick just a friend over my closest friends, but they will occur. Plus the SF trip was planned further in advance.



Filed under: General

2 Responses

  1. martinitram says:

    Tell us to shut the fuck up unless we have something nice to say.

  2. cutelilgaara says:

    I don’t think that’s what he means…

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