Bao's weblog


Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary


It was one of those downpours you get at dusk, only it’s like taking a warm shower because the rain wasn’t as cold. Actually, you could see just a hint of orange as the sun set behind the hills, its rays piercing the glass window in our study room. The lights were off and I was in there with one of the most gorgeous girls I’ve ever seen. Tall and slim with long black hair, it perfectly framed her face and then ran down, ending at her chest. I can’t recall ever meeting someone so angelic, and yet, somehow, it felt as if I’ve known her forever. I couldn’t help but admire and long for the gentle curves of her face and her melodic voice. We revealed and discussed our darkest secrets, our most intimate details… it felt as if she’s always been familiar with mine’s, and I with her’s, as if I’ve known before she even uttered them.. We were so comfortable with each other, and nothing else seemed to matter except that. Everything was so serious, yet so carefree.

Then we reached a break in the conversation without any awkwardness. Only the pattering rain against a window broke the serene silence. I remembered something funny and a small laugh came from me. Suddenly, without any warning, her soft lips gently grazed mine’s. I swear I could’ve seen it coming, but I was absolutely stunned. My breath vanished in an instant, suddenly sucked away. I couldn’t breathe. Did I forget how to inhale!? Her eyes grew wider, a little apprehensive probably. She must’ve known she’s crossed the threshold.

But… I gently kissed her back. The kisses that followed were so soft. They felt so infinitely delicate. And before I knew it, we fell off our chairs and somehow gently and blissfully fell; there was absolutely no impact as we hit the ground. Yes, that was the word: BLISS. Because somehow, she was the girl of my dreams. It’s impossible to explain the sheer ecstasy I felt as we laughed and kissed. It was more than just mindless making out because she was special and because I somehow knew her better than the back of my hand. I never want it to end.

The alarm rang. It was 7:15.

And in that instant, I realized that there isn’t a single girl in the world that can be perfect for me… but only at first glance. She absolutely can’t be the girl of my dreams until I know her, until I memorized her every little detail, her subtle nuances that separate her from everyone else… her personality’s fingerprints.

And as I walked to my car to go to class, I never felt a sharper contrast of melancholy and happiness all at once. I was amazingly happy because that feeling of 100% pure love and bliss is real and that’s what waits for me once I find her. But I couldn’t help but feel a painful letdown as I walked across campus, looking for that angelic face that never existed…


Filed under: General, While I sleep, ,

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