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Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

The nightmare

Bursts of gunfire erupted from the lush hills at dusk. Our Hummer stopped and my fire team and I fell out. (They called us fire team Tango) And there I was, climbing out of the left rear seat. I was different. Supremely confident, fearless, and stronger then I was before, I aimed a burst at a faraway bush where I saw a muzzle flash and heard a satisfying scream. The Marines logo, a badge that indicated my rank, and a proudly sewn on American flag embroidered my gray battle dress uniform. An M4A1 assault rifle rested in my gloved hands, in my holster, an M9 Beretta. I spotted another muzzle flash and aimed at it; I fired and saw a silhouette fall backwards. I saw the blood spray. I was untouched.

War was… LOUD. The rhythmic chatter from the guns, the screams of pain and anger from the hill above us, and the chaotic yells on our radios made for a dissonant symphony. A Marine ran towards the hill with a grenade in his hand and I gave him suppressive fire, adding my own noise into the fray.

Suddenly a teenager with an assault rifle ran out at me… his bayonet gleaming in the semi-darkness somehow. He seemed about my age. I’ve seen him before but only in a far off memory in my mind… It was Saurav. I fired a single round into his skull. And there he fell, and there he lay, only several yards from where I was standing. I looked at him silently. I felt nothing for him.

All around me was chaotic. But I was suddenly more focused. I was unemotional but now with a slight frown on my face. A feminine figure jumped from behind a boulder, her rifle aimed straight at me. I fired and she fell before she could squeeze off a shot. She laid there clutching her side. I’ve never heard Teresa scream before. It was… more of a mournful scream rather than of pain. I could even see the tears stream down her face as her blood seeped from her waist through her fingers. Again, I was untouched. I saw… Kevin rushing towards her, yelling her name at the top of his lungs. With every bit of cool headedness, I fired a calculated burst into his chest and he fell on top of her legs.

Another figure charged at me. He threw down his rifle and just ran at me. I didn’t know who it was until he yelled. This one had Martin’s voice. “Bao you fucker! Fuck you! FUCK YOU!” He was almost crying. I heard all of this burning hatred and sadness in his voice, for I’ve committed the ultimate form of treachery. I lifted my rifle and shot my last round into his forehead.

I leaned towards the side of the vehicle to load a new clip. The last thing I saw before I woke up was my face of the Hummer’s side mirror. I… wasn’t crying. I wasn’t smiling. I was just… there… with that slight calculating frown on my face.

I woke up like from any other sleep. I didn’t suddenly sit up like how people do after a nightmare. I wasn’t sweating or breathing hard. I think I sat there on my bed in semi-darkness for about twenty minutes and stared at my sheets as I processed what happened. Everything was so vivid. I didn’t miss a single detail (how could you when you’re killing your best friends?)  I thought about what the fuck just happened. I heard Teresa scream and I heard Martin cry. I saw Kevin and Saurav bleeding and lifeless. I finally cried then and there on my bed at six in the morning. It was a cold morning. I… I don’t know what to think. I don’t really know what to say. I really wanted to post this though but I don’t know why.

It might be because of all the feelings I’ve described in the last post. Maybe it all snowballed and I couldn’t handle it anymore.

…by far the craziest dream I’ve ever dreamt.

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Filed under: General, While I sleep

2 Responses

  1. オテモニャン says:

    2pcsypy

    すっごいよ!

  2. cutelilgaara says:

    I kind of teared up reading this.

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