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Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

Loneliness

A part of me feels stupid for posting about something so insignificant.

But I feel like I haven’t really enjoyed my break as much as I had expected. It was nice seeing everybody again and all; but, we never really did anything together.

To be fair, I did spend a great deal of time with some friends and those moments were absolutely amazing. In another sense, I feel like I haven’t spent enough time with some of my other friends. I feel so chained to my parent’s store and, finding no other excuse to do anything else, I am inevitably dragged back to the store.

Another part of me feels left out by said friends. Rummaging through the piles of facebook photos and reading wonderful memories in blogs without me in them leaves a painful hole in my chest. Aren’t those my friends too? Why am I not there?

I guess I never really understood the meaning of being left out. I never did try to leave anybody out and it’s understandable that somebody would be forgotten.

Ah shit, it still hurts anyways.

After thinking about it, I guess I don’t really have any unique traits that stick out. I just finished reading one of Bao’s posts and I wondered to myself whether I was in the same kind of predicament. I suppose that I don’t really add much to the interesting conversations started by other people.

I hate telling other people about my fears and pain. I don’t like to repeat myself after telling somebody about them.

I suppose that’s why not many of my friends know who I am exactly.

Blogging is a different story. It makes sense to blog to some nameless person who will always listen to you. I remember when Teresa told me that it was easier to talk to a stranger than somebody you know, simply because you might never see that person again and it’s easier to release your previous inhibitions.

Well, I’m sure that the situation is different for everybody but it makes sense to me when I think about it.

I really don’t know where I’m going with this post, I think I’m just rambling on and on about whatever’s on my mind.

I feel left out, there.

-Eddie

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