Bao's weblog


Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

Fleeting Dreams and Memories of a Time Long Ago

I was reading some posts on WordPress and, suddenly, I had one of those epiphanies that helped me notice the finer details of life.

I don’t think that I ever truly knew who my dad was until this year. Many times, my visualizations of him were clouded by hatred and misconceptions that I never bothered to understand him. There was once a time where I believed that my father was a cold, heartless, uncaring, selfish son-of-a-bitch that didn’t give a dime about whether I was having sex or doing drugs (not that I did any of those…).

It’s so easy to forget the little details that help reveal an individual’s personality. It’s so easy to get caught up in everything else and lose sight of the most important people in our lives. It’s so easy to be lost in a stream of never-ending work and put off the time to get to know them.

It’s so easy to make excuses for the things we never do.

I never did understand my dad’s true nature until I started working with him. From those cherished moments, I learned that my dad actually has a sense of humor and he truly loves our family from the bottom of his heart. He lives and breathes only for our family and works 11 hours a day every day to make a living for us. He likes to spoil me and he trusts me with all matters. Reflecting on all of these experiences, I think to myself,

“Where was I these past 18 years?”

For a short digression, a momentous event, I believe, has hurt the lives of many of our friends. I never did get to know that individual personally; but, from that experience, it’s easy to recognize how fleeting life is. I suppose that it has never occurred to any of us that somebody in our circle of friends can actually leave this world. It makes me want to cherish all of our friends even more, but at what cost? Did it really take the death of a person for me to realize that life is precious? Did it require such an event for me to cherish the moments I spend every day with my friends?

The same thing happened when my grandfather died last summer. I haven’t seen him for 4 years, yet, every moment I spent with him was as vivid to me as my current life. It was as real as my everyday life, yet as animated as an astral dream…as if it never existed.

I don’t want that to happen to any of my friends and family. I want each memory to be a clear as day and to be cherished like coveted gold pieces discovered in a stream. All of these realizations came to me suddenly, but at what cost? Why did I just think about this now?

Where was I during the last 18 years of my life?



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