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Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

I fall in love with almost every girl I meet

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How’s that for an eye catching title 😀

I don’t really mean the “I want to get in your pants” kind of deal. But I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m lucky enough to meet with the nice ones. Or maybe it’s some kind of gift that magnifies the good qualities in people. But of course, this can be inconveniently confusing often times and will require taking a fucking step back and assess. Of course, I’ve found this out the hard way. Two hellish relationships have made me realized… at one point or another, I’ve fallen in love with a trait or a personality… or a smile or a shade of eye color… YES with nearly every girl I’ve become friends with so far. (But not like those poor sons of bitches who melt when a girl opens a door for them) Plus it’s not instantaneous; it takes several weeks before it manifests itself. Whether it’s a strength or a weakness… eh it’s probably a weakness. I mean look what it’s done to me. At this point, I’ve lost all faith in relationships. I look at those “happy” people that are together and I can only scratch my head in bewilderment: How the fuck do they do it?

Then they’d come to me and just bitch about how terrible their relationship is. Take it from me, friend, no relationship is perfect. The strong ones are the ones that survive the storm. But no, they continue to bitch and bitch. What the fuck do you know Bao, you’re single!

😀

YES, I’m single and I’m happy. But whenever they complain, it makes me a little disgusted.

They just don’t realize how lucky they are to have someone.

I may be a hypocrite, because I used to complain a lot about my relationships. In a way, I don’t really miss being with someone, but I still do at the same time. Maybe it’ll just be blissfully over when I find the ideal someone for me. I’m on a quest to find her and maybe I’ll find the perfect relationship or at least a relationship that doesn’t involve every second making out or, on the other side of the spectrum, result in complete and total abstinence with just no passion.

It’s definitely a good thing that this trait of mine lasts temporarily per person or else I would have serious issues by now.

No, I don’t think that using the phrase “falling in love” is too strong. I wouldn’t necessarily say that it’s a crush, because when you have a crush on someone, you become blindly excited when you look at her. You can’t breathe or think (from the lack of oxygen in your brain of course) and the mere touch of her hand will make your’s go numb. But there’s nothing on the inside. I think it’s falling in love because even though I’m not excited or blinded by that trait, I would just want to be with her. I’d feel something deep in my heart, like an unbearable yearning and I’d look at her in a different light, despite what everyone else might say about her.

And there’s the strength: looking past the numbers and ratings that people will throw in your face. This is probably why I’ve never been good at Kevin and Martin’s game of “Rate the Girl.” I’m usually scratching my head in confusion whenever they deem a girl as unacceptable. I don’t see what’s wrong with her! She looks completely fine! So now, whenever Kevin would ask me how a girl looks, I say she’s “pretty.” Pretty is vague, but it’s a compliment. Nearly every girl I’ve seen is “pretty,” whether it’s the particular sound of her laughter or how her head tilts a bit to the side when she looks at me.

Honestly, I’m scared in the end. Despite what I say, friends are still worth something. I just really hope that in the end, when I make my vows and exchange rings with the girl I feel like I’m meant to be with, that I’d see everyone giving me a thumbs up or a “she’s perfect” smile.

Then I’d be peacefully at rest.

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