Bao's weblog


Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

Lately I’ve been feeling as if I’ve been robbed or cheated out of something that should’ve been mine, something I deserved. I know it sounds conceited of me to say that I deserve this, not that. But lately, that’s all I feel.

The world isn’t a fair place. People work sloppier than you or don’t put in as much effort, and they win the bigger prize. Or you look at how other people are doing and then compare that to the meager things that you have. Or to delve even closer to my case: why can’t I have a regular life like other people. Why can’t I get away with the same things? Why do I have to work extra hard for lesser rewards? Why I can’t take shortcuts well treaded upon without getting caught.

I’ve had it up to here with rotten luck. I hate anything that has to do with luck because that’s where I screw up. I’ve been known to lose against a 5% losing rate. I’ve gotten the same cards I’ve thrown out in poker (8 and 9 of hearts for a 8 and 9 of diamonds). I’ve been known to extensively study the one thing that might be on the test and isn’t on it the next day. And most of all, I’ve been known to do all of these things at least five times in my life.

Counselors screwed up my schedule when I was a freshman.

And again when I was a sophomore.

The one brand new calculator I buy is defective.

So what did I do to deserve this? Did I break a fucking mirror? I’ve already established in the past that I don’t believe in luck. So why? Why? Why must I have to deal with this? I’ve rarely talked or complained to anyone about luck. If I had to you, then damn you must be special.

It feels like I get the majority of the crap. Not the worst ones mind you. Just enough of the moderately horrible ones to make me feel like jumping off a building. Head first. But then I’m sure a violent updraft will flip me and make me break my legs and face a fine for jumping off a building.

I’m sure my individual curses aren’t worth complaining about and some people try to make me see how “lucky” I have it. Maybe you have it worst then me in one case. Now let me see your’s extend for weeks.

Fuck myself.

Filed under: General

One Response

  1. map0wt0fu says:

    hmm, maybe all the good things in your life are stored away to be reveled at a later date or something.

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