Bao's weblog


Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

I’m different

After reading Marcus’s post, I’ve realized how much I’ve changed. Not how much I’ve changed throughout life, but how much I’ve changed this week. I’m an angrier person now. I have this drive to be better, faster, and more efficient then everyone else, even friends. I’ve felt like I’ve become sharper and, yet, more incompetent as the hours of the week passes. And then I see how far behind I am of everyone else and kick myself for it.

That facade of politeness that I always put up, that inpenetrable one. Well, for once, I’m glad it’s there. It’s what keeps me from lashing out and swearing at the entire city, threatening some kind of vengeance. More importantly, it keeps me sane, makes me realize that I still have friends and their immense value to me. “Friends make life worth living.”

So the way I see it, I should take advantage of this new trait I have. I hang out with really smart people. The ones that complain about their A-‘s and all. I’m lucky to be in such company because they always help me out through hard times. Maybe it’s an insane urge to somehow become better so I can one day return the favor. But I don’t think I’m like that.

And then, as I put this new trait to use in the upcoming French project, I discover what could only be described as a low grade OCD. In a nutshell, I expect nothing less than perfection.

And before I sign off, I want to thank Eddie for giving that small lecture on Saturday. I think somewhere, you flipped a switch inside me and gave me that urge to be more than I am. A small step as it is, I’m planning on being an unofficial leader in my group, something I’ve never done before. I’m willing to bet this laptop I’m typing with that if we replayed this scenario again, things would’ve been different.


Filed under: General

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