Bao's weblog


Meandering thoughts of a Bay Area college student… be prepared for some bipolar vocabulary

C’est la vie…. damn

Once in awhile, I question myself as to if I really am a Christian. I speak so little of God and give him such little thought. It’s all about grades, pianos, friends, and wonderful AIM. No room for God today. Too sleepy… No time for God tomorrow, I have a huge ass AP chemistry exam to think about. No time for God on Sunday. No ride to church and either way I have my lab writeup to finish. Many of my old friends say I’m more fit to be atheist. I disagree.

Sometimes, I think that just disagreeing is good enough. I’m not atheist. Therefore, I’m religious. Whenever I think about God, I’m taken back to my childhood… when I was buddhist.

YEAH, I was Buddhist once. My grandmother would take me to Chua Duc Vien. I did that whole kneeling and bowing business to Buddha. I participated in all their events. I was good friends with the monks.

Preschool started and I went to Milpitas Christian School (MCS). No emphasis on God or Jesus there. Preschool was such a hard time for me. Living with the monks and my grandmother, who immigrated from Vietnam and even lost her passport (consequently even forgetting her birthdate), I’ve never recalled even hearing spoken English. Needless to say, I wreaked havoc on their communications department. I was also really childish for a preschooler and didn’t give much care to learning. This was the oddest thing and the teachers didn’t put much in store for me. Odd because on one occasion, I completely aced my math test (count from 1 to 100) while everyone else simply failed.

Life went on and I advanced to the 1st grade. The teacher hated me. All the other kids had it in for me too. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, grades 1-3 and 5-6th were the worst times of my life. I constantly was being framed and I had no way to defend myself without someone to translate. I’ve had no true friends back then. However, I’ve learned what a true friend really is. I was tricked often too and was beat up badly from time to time. Around the 2nd grade, I joined the Cub Scouts from Troop 101, roughly also the same time I commited myself to Tae Kwon Do. Cub Scouts was even worse then MCS. Boy Scouts constantly made fun of me. (me alone too wtf) One day in the Boy Scouts (I’ve advanced already), after taking in an infinite amount of verbal abuses, I gave in and threw my best sidekick/back kick combo at my agressor. It knocked the wind out of him, but he recovered and came right at me and aimed at my throat. I elbowed his face as he came, threw a front kick which landed squarely into his crotch, and quickly shoved him away. A savage feeling of pride washed over me and I released my first swear words ever and from the top of my lungs too. >=O. FUCK YOU. FUCK BOY SCOUTS. I HOPE YOU FUCKING BURN IN HELL. I got in trouble with the troop leaders as the kid I hit suffered from a black eye and other minor bruises (not going to say where). I paid a heavy price for it, but finally I was free from a heavy burden. In conclusion….. it was TOTALLY WORTH IT. Jackasses…

Fourth grade came along and I transferred out of MCS and to Sinnott, my first experience in a public school ever. It was the time of my life. I made many friends. The classwork was EAASY. I had a kickass time making the model missions and I was narrator in the class play little red riding hood. I also had my first crush in the 4th grade. If only I could’ve stayed back one more year… But the best of all was I was one of them. I wasn’t a scapegoat or an omega. I was equal and I could never repay them enough.

That summer was also a big time of my life because I almost died. I was in Mazatlan Mexico and I was playing in the ocean by myself. My mom with, her overprotectiveness, made me wear a lifejacket. I didn’t mind because it was mine and I looked so cool with it. While I was playing, I was unknowingly dragged away by a rip current. I tried swimming my way back. But then, I can’t. Psh. Suddenly, this freakingly huge wave came and pounded squarely on me. In the commotion, the straps for my jacket broke. So I’m out there with saltwater in my eyes and a jacket that might slip off at the next wave. Well, I obviously made it back. My arms and legs were so damn sore they felt like lead weights. I didn’t even have the energy to take the jacket off. Despite this, Mexico was soo fun. The locals were very nice (unlike some of the Mexicans here). I’ve also met Yvonne and her sister Bonnie. Yvonne was that one girl I was talking about once. Didn’t know we were cousins until this awkward moment…

5th grade came and I transferred back to MCS. I had numerous missing assignments and spent at least twice a week in detention. However, I’ve reunited with the friends I’ve managed to make in the past. Either way, it was another crappy year. Then, I started to take God seriously. I sung hymns to escape. I prayed daily. He’s done a lot for me. He helped me survive another one of the worse years of my life.

5th grade fell to 6th grade and then came another year of MCS. Same old deal… until I found out that I’d be transferring to Fremont after Christmas break. I was scared to say the least. But once again, God pulled through. First day of 6th grade in Fremont and I’ve met Vincent and Erik (mentioned in previous posts) and they’ve become my friends to this day.

7th grade came and ALL of us transferred to Hopkins Jr. High. That was one of the best years of my life. I met Xi and countless others.

I also had my first and only referral because I was such a daredevil. Felt horrible though.

8th grade… I moved again, this time to the Evergreen area. Friends threw a small party for me and we went to the movies. They also gave me a Lego submarine (built and on display in my room to this day). I moved and attended Chaboya. I was very surprised at Chaboya’s rough and crude students and their general behaviors. Fremont students are definitely better then Chaboyan students and are still better in some cases to EVHS students. (no offense guys =D)
Chaboya was a bittersweet year for me. I’ve earned the best grades I’ve ever received in my life (all A’s and a B in english). I’ve also felt down for an unknown reason. THat was the beginning of my depression.

9th-11th grade was when I switched schools yet again to EVHS. EVHS was the biggest disappointment in my life. Yet at the same time, this highschool era for me is also the best time of my life so far. (if you average it out) I’ve met tons of people. Some turned out to be really reliable friends. Some needed help. Some turned out to be annoyances.

I’ve made friends but I sometimes I find it hard to connect with you guys. You talk about the funniest things but for some damn reason, it’s hard for me

I’ve never been too social in my life with the exception of 7th thru 8th grade. After reading this (if you managed to without becoming bored), I hope you’ve figured out why.

I also hope you’ve figured out why I set so much in store for God. If you’ve looked in the 5th grade, you’d know that would’ve been horribly depressed without the Lord Jesus business and I probably wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for him delivering me from MCS to Fremont and saving my ass in Mexico.


Filed under: Vie

One Response

  1. Lorin says:

    It looks like you are suicidal (to a degree). I suggest that you move out and enjoy life for once after you are done with school. Grab a driver’s license while you are at it and your luck will change.

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